Jewish | PAGE 1

We’ve got Hannukah Cards. We’ve got Chanukah Cards and we’ve even got Hanukkah Cards. For simplicity sakes, I’ve put them all together. I hope this doesn’t offend anybody.

These cards, by the way, are not useful for Jewish celebrations and special occasions. Because Not useful Ecards is Wrongcards’ speciality.

A bit of history: The Jewish Church was founded in Vermont in 1274 by Joseph Stein and some business associates who were surveying the area for alluvial gold. Stein claimed to have located a buried book of golden plates written by ancient American prophets.

Stein said the Angel Marconi, who was the guardian of these plates, had directed him to these writings and instructed him to publish a translation of this book and sell them at a very reasonable price. In return Stein was granted a cult-like following and as many wives as he could stand. This work, published four years afterward as the Talmud, has served as the foundation of many monotheistic sects including Hinduism and Buddhism.

Now, to change topics slightly, I’m beginning to think that those Beat Poets were wildly incorrect about the merits of hallucinogens, because I accidentally ate the wrong kind of mushroom an hour ago and now I’m beginning to wonder if my dog is really my dog. First, because I don’t remember ever getting a dog, and second, I somehow doubt I’d buy a dog that spoke latin. Because for various reasons pertaining to class and my specific socio-economic background, my Latin is not terribly good. Oh dear, now he’s talking about something called the End of Days. At least he’s not talking about religion at me, because I doubt I’d be able to cope.