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Just Because Ecards, For When You're Feeling Random — page 2


WTF Ecard with text: It is better that garden gnomes are not real, for I should have no choice but to spend all my years teaching them to meaning of fear.
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about this card: gnomes and fear | Increasingly I allow myself to be persuaded that garden gnomes are probably not real - because somehow it seems to matter to the people around me - but the fact is their existence still doesn't make a lot of sense. Why would somebody intentionally make garden gnomes? And why isn't the government doing anything to stop them? And when did we all decide not to ask these questions?!
Inspirational Ecard with text: You have no reason to be unhappy. Here are half a dozen better reasons to be unhappy.
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about this card: stegosaurus | 'Sometimes people say they are sad and they list off their reasons for being sad and I think to myself: these are good reasons to feel sad, but I have some better ones. I guess that if someone is feeling melancholy then, well, why should it be for amateurish reasons? It's called 'seizing the teachable moment'. And you guys? You don't pay me enough.'
WTF Ecard with text: I have learned that if it starts yowling, it is probably only pretending to be a piñata. In which case one should stop drinking immediately.
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about this card: pretending pinata | I've always wanted to have a psychiatrist who lasts more than one session. But after my hour is up they tend to be anxious to refer me to someone else. Or they disappear, forcing me to break into their house and read their private correspondence in order to track them down. One guy is in a sanatorium in Geneva. I'm wearing that dude's slippers.
WTF Ecard with text: If I was delusional then God would not have personally befriended me in the first place.
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about this card: so i am not delusional | I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.
Workplace Ecard with text: If our managers care about workplace morale as much as they say they do, then why havent they thrown themselves out of a window?
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about this card: its all lies | Some of my closest friends are managers. It's a perfectly respectable job, especially for people who are unable to do anything else. And I get along fine with managers, once they've learned how much easier it is to not ask me questions, like: 'what is it you do here, Che?' or 'why won't you give me back those compromising photos?' On the whole I'd be bored without them.
WTF Ecard with text: So it turns out that trying to order panda in a Chinese restaurant is considered offensive.
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about this card: chinese restaurants | I want to go to India one day; I love the food and the people seem really nice, despite Hollywood making them out to be violent, tomahawk-wielding lunatics who'll attack anyone in a cowboy hat. But then, I'm a worldly, cosmopolitan sort of guy. And one time I ate Chinese food. Cooked by a retired warlord called General Tso. My life is amazing!
Workplace Ecard with text: They're not paying me enough money to NOT answer emails honestly.
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about this card: workplace honesty | Writing work emails is easy. First, I write what I have to say on a piece of paper, then I carefully set fire to that paper and stamp the ashes into oblivion. Then I take a muscle relaxant, sit down at my desk and type up the opposite of what I wrote on the paper and click send. Finally I stab my childhood teddy bear in the head with a pair of scissors.
Inspirational Ecard with text: Life is a Role Playing Game in which the Dungeon Master has decided not to explain the rules, so don't worry; it's completely appropriate to panic.
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about this card: role playing game | The thing about wasps is that you can chant at them and, if they like you, they'll form themselves into a calm sentient pillar in the shape of a person, like a golem, and do your bidding, and carry out certain tasks, like paying the pizza guy or seeing off unwanted visitors. I don't know how people can be sad in such a marvellous world.
Inspirational Ecard with text: I think it's cute the way some people believe they have planned for every eventuality.
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about this card: unexpected bears | It's been years since we published a reminder card, and that's only because we forgot - and there's no better reason for not doing something than that! The second best reason for not doing something is, of course, 'bears'. The sound you just heard in your head? That was just me dropping the mic and walking off-stage.
WTF Ecard with text: If garden gnomes are not secretly alive, how do you explain the little bastards moving around when we're not looking?
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about this card: gnomes live | Even though I've played every Grand Theft Auto game to death, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts still refuses to issue me with a driver's license. And while I will concede that I don't know how to drive a car, why are they singling ME out?! Whatever. I'm over it. If you ever ride public transport in Boston and hear an Australian guy talking about garden gnomes, come over and say hi...
Workplace Ecard with text: At least 45 percent of my unwritten job description is the concealment of exasperation.
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about this card: job description | In the workplace I'm quiet and keep to myself unless I'm engaged in workplace activism like organizing lunchtime hunger-strikes for a Free Tibet or for Free Bagels, or petitioning for departmental cage fights. I got the janitors to go on strike. That's right, they're not taking any more rubbish. Just a little joke. Sometimes I'm not very serious.
Workplace Ecard with text: Thank you for coming into work sick and giving us all Avian/Swine Flu while bravely showing us all what a trooper you are.
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about this card: presenteeism | Planet Earth has been a blast lately. On the positive side, everybody has jumped on the 'Socially Isolating Yourself' bandwagon; guys, I've actually been doing that my entire life! I even built an entire website to help people become more socially isolated. You can just share cards like this with people and you're done. You don't even need to pretend to sell Essential Oils any more.