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page 6

Just Because Ecards

Inspirational TGIF Workplace WTF Zombie
Zombie Ecard with text: Fact: my conviction that the world will one day be overrun by mindless zombies is neither implausible nor absurd as the fact that Kim Kardashian has a television show.

implausibility

Are you worried about zombie attacks? I'm not, I'm worried about other things. I picked up a TV guide recently, just to see what reality shows were popular. But don't worry, I was feeling much better after a few days and I can even go outside again.

Zombie

WTF Ecard with text: Sometimes when nobody else is around I talk threateningly at plants.

sometimes

I'm going to go and pass out in a moment and my consciousness will disappear for roughly six hours but when I awaken, fresh and thirsting for vengeance against the Vicissitudes of Fate, I will go down to the local Starbucks and speak this card's caption to the first stranger that I see. That is how I fix the world.

WTF

Workplace Ecard with text: 'Remember: do not bite a colleague or co-worker, no matter how agitated you are feeling, because they will get really disappointed in you.'

agitated

After I realized that I had mastered Workplace Behavior, Norms and Etiquette, I realized it would be selfish of me not to share my knowledge with others. So I started to encode subtle Workplace Survival Tips into certain cards - today's card, for example. There's no need to thank me ... I do it for the glory.

Workplace

Workplace Ecard with text: I'm not going to get angry today provided nobody provokes me by breathing too loudly.

not getting angry

What people sometimes call 'anger management issues' I prefer to describe as 'an impaired ability to cope with fools and idiots'. Of course, I'm not one to promote bad-tempered irrationality (I'm no Bill O'Reilly) but we're all entitled to our moments, and a deficit of sleep might make this card seem useful.

Workplace

WTF Ecard with text: Not long after I became a werewolf people stopped being able to detect when I was exaggerating.

werewolves exaggerate

The cards in the WTF category are so specific that the the likelihood of finding one that is useful is very small. Today's card, for example, is useful if you happen to be a mildly frustrated werewolf. But if you should ever become a mildly frustrated werewolf one day, you'll thank me. Thats why I do this.

WTF

TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and nobody in Senior Management was brutally stabbed to death with a pen due to an unfortunate misunderstanding.

stabby

One day, when someone finally hires me to work in senior management, I'm going to have to quietly make this wrongcard disappear. And if you're thinking, 'Kris you are not cut out for senior management', my response to you is that 'neither is anyone I have actually met who works in senior management, so there.' Happy Friday.

TGIF

TGIF Ecard with text: Thank God it's Friday and we have not been devoured by a phalanx of Komodo Dragons.

phalanx

The week is winding down and you survived. Yes, you survived the strange and the unexpected. And, celebrating this triumph, today's wrongcard reminds us all to remain ever vigilant. Remember, if you stay paranoid, you'll stay alive. For a while anyway. Happy Friday to you all!

TGIF

Workplace Ecard with text: Everybody works for the man. But nobody knows who the man is. But one day I will find out who he is and strangle him. And then I will be the man. Until then, your job is to buy me lunch and appreciate me. Later I will probably reward you.

mission statement

Everyone should have a mission statement. If you don't have one yet my advice is to write one that would make your Human Resources department panic. You should listen to me because the laws that govern probability suggest that I'll be right about everything at least part of the time. And today I'm feeling lucky.

Workplace

Inspirational Ecard with text: To be successful, one should always adopt the habits of highly successful people. And I don't think there is a single successful person alive who does chores.

highly successful people

Let's start off the week with an inspirational card. Of course, one might disagree with this card but that would require a perverse and contrary psychology. The thought of people disagreeing with me always makes me feel wistful and sad. What a troubled world. Anyway, here is today's card to make it all better.

Inspirational

Zombie Ecard with text: This man didn't shoot the zombie until he saw the whites of it's eyes. Don't make this mistake! Remember: when they are up close, zombies are bitey.

zombies are bitey

There isn't a man alive who hasn't given serious thought to how he'd secure himself and his family In The Event of Zombies. We already know the best escape-routes, choke-points and where to build the barricades. Hunter-gatherer milieu? Yes please - then we can be awesome again! Well anyway, I never said we were sane.

Zombie

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