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Love Ecards

Love Ecard with text: Ironically, Justin the Inflatable Pony doesn't give me a hard time about MY relationship with YOU...

inflatable pony

Romance is dead, they said - but I found out where they buried it. Now it's safely hidden under my bed. Don't worry, it only smells when I get it damp.

Love

Love Ecard with text: I would like to move our relationship to a new level, in which I get to have orgasms.

new level

As you know I'm determined to rescue romance from a culture saturated in half-measures and moderation. Everyone needs a mission I suppose. And maybe it's because I'm from privilege, having been raised on up-market cat food by Nanna in a caravan in South-East Queensland, but I find myself wanting to give back to society. So - if this card doesn't help you, you must be very lost.

Love

Love Ecard with text: I want you to know that I would still want to be with you even if I COULD lick my own genitals.

still want you

Romance today is all about half-measures. It's gotten so bad that boys don't even steal flowers from graves any more, they just buy 'em in a shop. That's like saying 'I'll do anything to win and retain your affections provided it's convenient and lawful'. Once, lovers red-lined their emotions well into the realm of corpse desecration. But its ok, Romance can be saved; Wrongcards is taking it back!

Love

Flirting Ecard with text: If God didnt want me to practice on you he would have given me a sheep farm.

sheep

I know many of you hope one day to find a special someone with an excellent credit history and maybe go in on a thirty-year fixed-rate mortgage together. I too am a romantic. But romance isn't just about money - there's a biological aspect to it too. If you don't send today's card to a potential co-mortgage signatory then you'll never have any offspring to fight about in court. I'm here to help.

Flirting

Flirting Ecard with text: Now that we have done everything else, the next thing I would like for us to try is foreplay.

next thing to try

Let's say you're romantically involved with a balloon animal. Society doesn't understand - it never does - and you have to sneak out to this one Italian restaurant where the staff aren't all that judgmental. Now one night, over a candlelit dinner, she wafts across the table and touches the candle flame. Pop! She's dead! Do you tip the waiter for one meal or two?

Flirting

Love Ecard with text: If we start dating then I would no longer need to pay for sex except on special occasions. So it would be win-win for both of us.

special occasions

Alright blokes, you're fond of a lady but you can't very well show up in her kitchen at 3am, naked and covered in mud and broken glass, claiming to be a time-traveler. Trust me, I speak from experience when I say that women are far too jaded and cynical nowadays for that to work. My best advice? Send this card. My next best advice requires a gorilla suit but I don't give away ALL my trade secrets.

Love

Flirting Ecard with text: I'm not half as sexually adventurous as Mr Sock.

not half so adventurous

May 9th is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. I believe that every washing machine manufactured after 1963 was designed to eat precisely one sock per month, just to keep everybody in the consumer world a little off-balance. So where do all the socks go? They're sacrificed, with noble intent, for our collective unease. It's a religion I'm starting. And, of course, I'll be taking donations...

Flirting

Flirting Ecard with text: We should get together and have sex sometime. Im getting to be quite good at it, by practicing on things etc.

practically

Today's card is a rehash Wednesday flirting card which means it's probably Not Safe For Work (whatever that means) though it CAN be useful if you'd like to flirt with someone today. It will also make you more popular - every time I send it to a woman she writes back and tells me how much she just wants to be my friend, which obviously is very sweet and quite complimentary.

Flirting

Valentines Ecard with text: Happy valentines day. This is a picture of an earwig. I am the best.

picture of an earwig

On Wednesdays I post an older card then I change the world. I believe we can all change the world, we just need love in our hearts. And seven billion dollars for research and development, and a basement full of kidnapped MIT kids to assemble the first batch of self-replicating robot slave spiders. Changing the world also requires pragmatism.

Valentines

Valentines Ecard with text: Happy Valentines Day, etc. I honestly bought you chocolate but can no longer find it and am now operating under the theory that it was eaten by raptors.

raptors

Some say that Valentines Day is a commercialized confidence trick played on lovers, a cloying manufactured holiday, a manipulative marketing mechanism. But me? I only worry about two things. One, that if you don't buy someone chocolate right now, your entire relationship will crumble to pieces. And two, that raptors may not be as extinct as 'the authorities' claim.

Valentines