Love | PAGE 3

Love Cards. Send an 'I Love You Card' that is only SLIGHTLY problematic.

Anniversaries Flirting and Pick Up Lines Valentines

Anniversaries Ecard with text: Let's celebrate our anniversary by thinking of each other when we're fapping. — about this card: celery | Anniversaries, right? People have them. Not me, so much, 'cause I believe that honesty is important in relationships. Wait, is that another thing Oprah was wrong about? Jesus Oprah! Anyway. It's beside the point. This card is pretty much NSFW. But I think most wrongcards are pretty much NSFW because, unlike most, I believe in good taste, decency and mental cleanliness. Happy Thursday...

Love Ecard with text: I promise to do the right thing by you, except when it becomes inconvenient. Look, every relationship has its little quirks. — about this card: inconvenient | I'm a thoughtful person and also very fair and I'm always thinking about people and I'm especially focused on 'how people think'. There is no way to get other people to buy you socks for instance if you don't think about how they think. It's like fixing clocks really. Uh. The burring in my head is making it hard to explain anything today. Also the new medication makes everything yellow.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: Good news. My desire for you now eclipses my general fear of contracting a venereal disease from you. — about this card: cypridophobia | As an enlightened sort of bloke I often feel a heavy weight of responsibility to help my fellow man understand that Romance topic that women like to yap about. Fellas, try to share half the pizza with her, alright? And remember, romance doesn't cost much when there are free wrongcards to send, or even just fresh flower bouquets laying about unattended near new graves. Here to help.

Love Ecard with text: I think that if you really cared about me I would have come home to find you dressed as a Japanese school girl at least half a dozen times by now. — about this card: school girl | Look - I'm not saying I don't have issues but when I showed today's card to the guy who delivers my mail he embraced me, burst into tears and declared himself 'expressed'. I showed it to the guy in Starbucks and he grasped my hand firmly, called me brother and announced my lattes would be free forever or his life would be forfeit. It's not all that bad being a spiritual leader some days.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: i would chop off an arm for you. maybe not my arm, but someone's... — about this card: i would chop off an arm | On re-hash Wednesday we nostalgically re-visit a card from days of yore. This was published on April 13, 2008, back when Wrongcards was a weekend project that I ran to stress-test the patience of Harvard's Department of Human Resources. BTW I told them that, there being only 20 million Australians, I was therefore a minority. 'You can't fire minorities', I said. Logic is my superpower.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: Sure, it's up to you to decide how you feel about my wanting to touch you with a halibut. I just think it would be easier if you went with 'flattered'. — about this card: concessions to romance | Like a few dozen other men I have a bit of a romantic streak. Sometimes I buy myself lilies or I light scented candles and take long baths. Or I put on some hip-hop and have a bit of a cry for no reason at all. I'll get annoyed at my lady and not tell her why and just wash up loudly. Or not talk to her because of something she did in one of my dreams. Othertimes - I just make a wrongcard.

Valentines Ecard with text: Happy Valentines Day. Because there is nothing weird about winged, naked babies holding weapons. — about this card: winged babies | I'm the sort of responsible guy you could take back to your parent's trailer without police needing to get involved but that's only cause my Nanna raised me proper. I remember us sharing a tin of cat food one night and her telling me how 'chicks dig a romantic'. So fellers - take note.

Valentines Ecard with text: I want to spend every moment of Valentines Day alone with you, showing you just how truly amazing and awesome I am at video games. — about this card: valentines day with you | Greetings from London! On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the day working as a cryptozoologist. I spent the day lurking in the shadows of Paddington Station, hoping to spot an upright walking bear believed to be from Darkest Peru. I'm not very good at cryptozoology.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: mayonnaise makes the night more memorable — about this card: mayonnaise | Today is re-hash Wednesday; I post an older card and then ever so slightly exaggerate my plans for the rest of the afternoon. By the way, I hope today's card doesn't discourage anyone. Frankly, I hope it inspires a certain spirit of scientific inquiry.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: Progress report: I now have THREE sexual fantasies of you that don't involve smurfs. — about this card: progress report | So, what did you do today? I drew a smurf. What?! Yeah - a smurf. Damn, man. Yeah I know - keep me in your prayers.

Valentines Ecard with text: 'St Valentines Day can be one of only two things: rich fat-cat industrialists with warehouses full of Valentines Day stuff to fob off onto unsuspecting poor folk, or two: love. Can you decide which because I can't think about it without twitching.' — about this card: industrialist fat cats | I'd protest this holiday. And on the burning barricades I'd chant at police and hurl Molotovs. And then? I'd fall beneath the bejeweled jackboots of St. Valentines Day thugs, wielding their guilt trips and demanding their chocolate boxes and heart-shaped cards. So if anyone needs me I'll be at the florists. Muttering to myself.

Love Ecard with text: Don't worry about my co-dependency issues. They will only bring us closer together. — about this card: codependency | I've given it a lot of thought and decided that today's wrongcard is an awesome card to send to a stranger. Pick someone random, someone you barely know, and ask yourself: why SHOULDN'T that person have a really weird Friday? No need to thank me - this is what I do for a living.

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