Send an 'I Love You Card' that is only SLIGHTLY problematic.
I suspect that today's wrongcard may be a little Not Safe For Work though I'm not sure or good at judging that sort of thing. It's a WTF card, though, which means it is probably more impractical than usual. It's a pity that 'cards that are wrong for every occasion' is such an impractical idea. Next time I start a company I'll do a business plan.
Anyone who read Wuthering Heights knows that Heathcliff rifled about with Cathy's corpse exactly twice. Linton was immune to such passion, of course, and this is why women always prefer Heathcliff, or any wild-eyed savage who'd cuddle a lady's corpse just for the sake of nostalgia. It's called being romantic, fellers. Pay attention to Wrongcards and I'll teach you all about it.
The thing about eels is that they really are impossible to feel neutral about. You might think you like them a lot, say, when you're eating them in a Japanese restaurant. But face to face with them in an ocean, you will have one just thought: that thing is so ugly it is practically anathema.