Love | PAGE 4

Love Cards. Send an 'I Love You Card' that is only SLIGHTLY problematic.

Anniversaries Flirting and Pick Up Lines Valentines

Love Ecard with text: Look, I don't judge you about YOUR taste in sex toys. — about this card: i don't judge you | I suspect that today's wrongcard may be a little Not Safe For Work though I'm not sure or good at judging that sort of thing. It's a WTF card, though, which means it is probably more impractical than usual. It's a pity that 'cards that are wrong for every occasion' is such an impractical idea. Next time I start a company I'll do a business plan.

Love Ecard with text: Anyone can promise to be attracted to you until death. But when it comes to making promises I believe in going the extra mile. And a picture of a skeleton. — about this card: the extra mile | Anyone who read Wuthering Heights knows that Heathcliff rifled about with Cathy's corpse exactly twice. Linton was immune to such passion, of course, and this is why women always prefer Heathcliff, or any wild-eyed savage who'd cuddle a lady's corpse just for the sake of nostalgia. It's called being romantic, fellers. Pay attention to Wrongcards and I'll teach you all about it.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: I probably really like you quite a lot. Or not - it depends of course on how you feel about me, which is a matter I cannot seem to accurately determine, which is why this card offers only the vaguest approximation of sentiment. This is a picture of an eel — about this card: probably really like you | The thing about eels is that they really are impossible to feel neutral about. You might think you like them a lot, say, when you're eating them in a Japanese restaurant. But face to face with them in an ocean, you will have one just thought: that thing is so ugly it is practically anathema.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: I don't know if I could make you squeal like a pig but I could definitely manage 'squawk like an amorous puffin that has just had a near-death experience and needs to be held. And you can count on it, baby.

Love Ecard with text: Remember, no one can make you fake an orgasm quite like I can.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: If I wasnt interested in sleeping with you sometime, why would I send you a cool drawing of a duck? Aforementioned picture of duck.

Valentines Ecard with text: When I said 'it is a low-brow superficial holiday' what I really meant to say was 'Happy Valentines Day.' I hope we are still on for sex.

Valentines Ecard with text: 'Happy Valentines Day. I know you feel grateful right now. But I guess I dont really know just how grateful you feel... Note: proofs of gratitude can involve two or more of your better-looking friends and a jar of maple syrup.'

Anniversaries Ecard with text: I remembered it is our anniversary. I also did my chores so technically I deserve for you to unlock the plastic animals cabinet.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: I would like to get up close and impersonal with you because people say you like it that way and I just want to make you happy.

Love Ecard with text: then you advance on me through a blood red mist wielding a spear. I know this fantasy is fraught with peril but I figure that at this point in our relationship you owe me some stuff like this.

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: how much alcohol would I be required to buy you so I might clumsily paw at your body without you objecting much?

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