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Home Ecards
birds and bees
My Dad wasn't around much when I was a kid 'cause he was busy walking on the moon or making movies, so I had 20 or so 'other Dads', owing to Nanna's natural charisma. They taught me all sorts of things, like how to borrow cars, how to grow plants inside a cupboard and how to drive quickly away from banks. Today's card? Send it to your Dad(s).
pretending pinata
I've always wanted to have a psychiatrist who lasts more than one session. But after my hour is up they tend to be anxious to refer me to someone else. Or they disappear, forcing me to break into their house and read their private correspondence in order to track them down. One guy is in a sanatorium in Geneva. I'm wearing that dude's slippers.
moral universe
My father was Cary Grant. Or Neil Armstrong - my Nanna could get a bit inconsistent after her second bottle of turpentine. Dad being Cary Grant would make a lot of sense, of course, but if he was Neil Armstong then that would explain my tendency to always push everyone out of the way in trying to be the first through any door.
leaving your body
What time is it? Today's rehash Wednesday card is here, but I am in Spain, and it's sunset now but the clock says it's 10pm. That can't be right, can it? Also it feels like a Tuesday. The claw-hammer of jetlag is offering mixed opinions. Who invented jetlag? The Wright Brothers. Those guys are overrated. Screw you Wright Brothers I'm eating breakfast.
sweet and endearing
If you stab a person in the arm with a pencil you should always apologize afterwards: it's a societal rule. I'm on your side, obviously, but you know how people get worked up about these things. Remember, I'm only offering this guidance because I like you. So say sorry! (If you haven't stabbed someone in the arm yet, you should do that first.)
special occasions
Alright blokes, you're fond of a lady but you can't very well show up in her kitchen at 3am, naked and covered in mud and broken glass, claiming to be a time-traveler. Trust me, I speak from experience when I say that women are far too jaded and cynical nowadays for that to work. My best advice? Send this card. My next best advice requires a gorilla suit but I don't give away ALL my trade secrets.
secret-life
This one time someone told me I was a bit weird and I told them they were a bit normal and then they looked at me as if I'd behaved like a dog on a croquet lawn. What's a man to do when nobody wants to be weird and nobody wants to be normal? My guess is that there's a fine line in there between and this card rests right there...
so i am not delusional
I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.
jackal head
I forgot to login to Facebook for two months. No ill-effects, although I don't think Bill Gate's mind control 5G towers are working on me as well as they used to. And I think the vaccine nanobots are on the blink. Still, I did do some renovations at Wrongcards.com, so that's some good news. Oh, and there's this card ...
enemies
I'm one of those people who would do just about anything to get out of an argument, so much so that I sometimes have to resort to never being wrong about anything in the first place. If you're like me you will have a contingency for everything, and if you're not like me, just take whatever I say on faith until you change.