If you think ecards and greeting cards are - at best - insipid, mass-produced tokens of insincere sentiment, then I like you. And also, welcome to Wrongcards.
People often ask if I'm religious. Like any other rational, enlightened man I frequently dialog with Higher Powers. And once or twice I've made myself useful to Him, but why boast of it? He knows my door is always open (provided He doesn't eat all my snacks) and He can always turn to me for spiritual guidance, though I don't like it when He turns up when Bunheads is on.
I'm a thoughtful person and also very fair and I'm always thinking about people and I'm especially focused on 'how people think'. There is no way to get other people to buy you socks for instance if you don't think about how they think. It's like fixing clocks really. Uh. The burring in my head is making it hard to explain anything today. Also the new medication makes everything yellow.
On Wednesdays I typically like to post an older card you might not have seen yet and then I spend the rest of the day posting pages and pages of random numbers to random postal addresses over in eastern Afghanistan and north-west Pakistan. It'll probably drive a couple of people at the CIA completely nuts. You know, I wasn't like this at all until the government cancelled Gilmore Girls.
Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...
I used to be quite the athlete back in high school though I had a far less restrained conception of 'competitive' than other students. I probably would have gone pro if the lawyers hadn't shown up talking legalese and waving restraining orders around. Forced into retirement early I guess. Doctors said that sport wasn't for me. Minor ankle injury and a penchant for lighting fires. Whatever.
There was a time when our troubled relationship with the International Olympic Committee still had a chance. In retrospect I think the turning point came when we showed them this card. 'Cause about ten seconds later one them threw a mango at me. Seriously, who does that? Some of those IOC guys can be really immature when confronted with Art.
So here's a tip: if you should ever find yourself at a dinner table with some senior IOC officials, don't mention the sentiments of today's wrongcard. They'll blither at you in fluent Belgian or Swiss (or whatever that jibber-jabber was), storm out and leave you with the check. Trust me: it's a good thing I can climb through bathroom windows.
Before the complete breakdown in communication between Wrongcards and the International Olympic Committee (around the time our cards went from being the 'official' to 'unofficial' cards of the Games) we had the idea to make cards explaining each Event. The IOC didn't like it, of course, partisan and revisionist organization that they are...
You probably haven't heard but the Olympic Games start tomorrow. The Games can be a bewildering time for all of us; people you thought you knew well suddenly reveal they are experts on the topic of discus throwing, though you've never heard them mention discus before in their lives. And, all at once, water polo matters to people. Weird, right? Don't worry. I'll explain everything...
Two thirds of our team are back from our Fact Finding Mission to Spain, where we studied Alcohol Intolerance and Sleep Deprivation. (It wasn't a competition but I still won!) I left the most responsible of us behind in Boston to run Wrongcards, as well as to teach him just how far Being Responsible will get him. Today's card is about babies I think. Next time I post I'll research it better.
I'm still in Granada, and just tried to order room service. I'm in a bit of a difficult mood so I tried to order swan. Black swan. They told me they didn't have black swan on the menu so I said I'd settle for an ordinary swan that had been dyed black. Even when I'm difficult I'm highly reasonable. But I'm not going to lie; this has nothing to do with today's card.
The thing about sick people is they give off fumes which are made up of tiny animals. You can't see them with the naked eye but, if inhaled, they get inside your blood and try to kill you. Also - people with optimistic attitudes have better defenses. That's why you have to cheer up sick people - it makes them less toxic. I've always been good at science.