All Ecards | PAGE 2

Ecards that are Wrong. If you think ecards and greeting cards are - at best - insipid, mass-produced tokens of insincere sentiment, then I like you. And also, welcome to Wrongcards.

Celebration Concerned Dark Humor Family Happy Holidays Cards Jewish Just Because Love

Valentines Ecard with text: I want to spend Valentines Day alone with you. And one of your more attractive friends. — about this card: alone with you | Here we are in the second month of our voyage aboard the good ship '2018'. Your Captain is here at the prow, crossbow in hand, on the look-out for albatrosses, and thinking about Valentines Day. Did you know people first celebrated Valentines Day in Roman times? They used to pair off women with men by a lottery. I know! And I'm a bad person for not celebrating it. Sigh. I'm just enabling you all.

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: You should know in advance that when women have babies they often yell and scream a lot. They are not as stoic as men, unfortunately, and nobody really knows why. — about this card: stoicism | Just skimmed some headlines; apparently 2018 is all about raising awareness of what men have been up to. Finally! It's about time the world heard more from men's perspectives. So I've decided January is MENS MONTH at Wrongcards. Let's raise awareness. I mean, its 2018 and doctors STILL don't administer epidurals to men during their partner's childbirth. And I was being really polite, too.

Christmas Ecard with text: I may or may not have gotten you a Christmas spider. The joy lies in the discovery. — about this card: christmas spider | People say they want a Christmas surprise, but here's the thing: DO THEY? DO THEY REALLY? I'm not angry but what is the point of you saying, 'I want it to be a surprise' if you're going to run around shrieking for an hour and then go stay at your Mother's until Thursday? And no it's not because I don't understand Christmas, I have an entire WEBSITE about it so technically I'm an expert so there.

Christmas Ecard with text: One thing that really sucked about Jesus life was having to get his birthday presents AND Christmas presents on the same day each year. — about this card: Jesus birthday | I'm kind of a Spiritual Expert. Answers to big theological questions, like, 'how much eggnog should ideally be consumed with a vindaloo curry', or 'which house is the easiest to steal a Christmas tree from' are easy for me. And I'm good at Christmas too; I love setting deer traps on the roof, I love putting out cookies and absinthe for Santa. BTW when Jesus comes back I'm sending him this card.

CheerUp Ecard with text: When they came for the clowns, I did not speak out - because I felt pretty good about it really. And in conclusion I would like to add WOOHOO! (Picture of a clown being dragged away). — about this card: when they came for the clowns | My feelings about clowns are finally entering the mainstream; Stephen King just put out a documentary called 'IT', which has been very well received, and my Monday evening 'Clown Awareness' circle has grown to more than seven members (if counting my own dissociated personalities is permitted). So I feel good. And you could feel good too, because you know what else? I'M BACK.

Columbus Day Ecard with text: If you're going to celebrate Columbus Day then show some historical awareness, perhaps by spending the day giving syphilis to Europeans. — about this card: historical awareness | Alright, squad, I'm back. I've been off writing a book. It's finished now - what did I miss? I haven't been watching the news or anything - how is Bernie Sanders doing against Jeb Bush? Me? I'm feeling great. I grew a beard for a while and lived in my back yard, burned furniture to keep warm. Writing that book sure was a process. But we'll talk later. For now: Happy Columbus Day.

Olympics Ecard with text: A picture of a the Olympic Rings as bio-hazards. — about this card: biohazard | I would just like to congratulate Wrongcards for becoming the unofficial official (or official unofficial) ecard creators for this year's Olympics. Winning the contract was tricky - I had to drink half a gallon of green water that they shipped to me - but it wasn't so bad. Who needs to be able to see the color yellow, anyway? Have guys ever seen that awesome Vin Diesel movie where he used street racing knowledge to steal a bank safe? That movie was set in Brazil. If I watch it again, would that make me over-prepared to make these cards? I mean, by American NBC commentator standards?

Passover Ecard with text: Passover is the only part of the year in which you are allowed to throw buckets of lamb's blood at people's front doors without them accusing you of being a sociopath. — about this card: spring tidings | Now, I may not know anything about the world's religions but I don't like to think that it should prevent me from forming deeply held convictions on the topic. My Nanna taught me from the earliest age that only a few of us will be saved from the earth by lizard-people in flying saucers, so your guess is as good as mine. So Happy Passover (and Happy Dragon-Egg Festival, Nanna)!

Valentines Ecard with text: Oh my God, you know I like you, why do I have to give you a valentines day card? We are adults right? PS. This is the aforementioned valentines day card. PPS. No need to thank me. — about this card: no need | Some of us are expected to send St Valentines Day cards tomorrow and somehow our souls feel a stirring of revolt. And we churlishly chafe at this consumer chore, this routine, recurring ritual of relationship renewal. But what can we do? We send an honest card. (Don't say I don't love you).

New Year's Ecard with text: Happy New Year. Have fun out there but remember: spider monkeys. They're a silent killer. — about this card: silent killer | Remember a few years back when everyone thought the world would end because some Mayans had predicted it, even though the Mayans didn't predict the conquistadors? Well, I knew that was going to happen. I prophesied it. The only thing stopping me from closing down Wrongcards and becoming a professional prophet is the obligation to grow facial hair. I'm afraid of mustaches.

New Year's Ecard with text: My New Years Resolution is to put fewer spiders in your breakfast cereal when you're not looking. — about this card: fewer spiders | I take New Year's Resolutions seriously; after all, how else am I supposed to improve myself? I know you probably think I don't need improvement, but I suffer from a mild sort of social anxiety. It only happens when I stand around naked in train stations, but which among us is perfect? So my New Years Resolution is about becoming more awesome. And this is how I do it. #newyear

Christmas Ecard with text: When we appropriated a pagan holiday,we didnt choose one with naked writhing priestesses performing orgiastic fertility rites and snake dances. No. We based our holiday on a Turkish guy called Nicholas who left coins in peoples shoes. — about this card: appropriated holiday | I love Christmas. Christmas doesn't mean presents, trees, or Jesus having a birthday. It means pudding and fruit mince pies! And also explaining what those things are to skeptical Americans who, without pudding or fruit mince pies, have been getting Christmas wrong for centuries. Oh I should say something about this card. Let's see. Let me think. Hmm. How about 'I need to stop saying the truth or nobody is going to invite me to their Christmas parties...'

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