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Celebration Concerned Dark Humor Family Holiday Jewish Just Because Love

difficult for a purpose

Whenever someone says something that is contrary to my wishes, interests or world view, I always point out that they are being difficult. But sometimes people call me difficult before I can say that they are. And I hate it. I made this card so I can retain the upper-hand. One should always win at all costs.

Apology

Family Ecard with text: How about you do all the housework and i'll focus on being awesome, and one day i'll thank you briefly in an appendix of my memoirs.

divided labor

Chores. Some want to do them, some don't. The problem is that the people who WANT to do chores always insist that the people who DON'T want to do them should also want to do them. I'd rather lay on a beach than do chores myself, but I've always been an individualist. Here's today's card.

Family

busy being interesting

You know when a villain ties a person to the railway tracks and sends a letter to the hero saying 'you better get down here or your friend is going to get run over ha ha etcetera?' I don't know if this has happened to me because I tend not to open correspondence. I just forget. Missing the requisite gene I suppose. Here's an ecard for people like me.

Apology

everybody knows

It's a terrible thing to be unappreciated. When you are the very glue that holds everyone around you together, you can't expect a thanks, praise or ice-cream. But sometimes it might help to remind your friends and family how integral you are to the structural integrity of their lives.

Reminders

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I want to assure you that, in the event of your untimely death, I would disturb your earthly remains for experimentation purposes only.

experimentation purposes

Sometimes people worry about death. But more often people worry about their earthly remains and whether a close personal friend might be planning to disinter their bodies for one reason or another. So I made a card that you can send along as a reassurance.

Thinking of You

meaningless

Now supposing, for the sake of an argument, that you have had to stab a close personal friend in the leg with a pencil because you were bored. The best next step is to send along this wrongcard - or maybe one that seems more sincere. Whatever. The point is they'll appreciate the apology. And they really won't expect your next attack.

Apology

Baby Ecard with text: Aside from the fact that, generally speaking, your baby has poor personal hygiene and is lazy, incoherent, unmotivated, self-absorbed, and hogging all the attention, I think the child has a lot to recommend it.

lazy and unmotivated

People are always going and having babies and expecting us to give them gifts. But how can anything we give them top The Miracle of Life? Thats what I ask, but everyone says no, no you've got to give them a present anyway. So I send a small bottle of rum (for the baby) or an ecard like this one. Anything to avoid babysitting.

Baby

Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry I got tired and forgot to pretend you are not deeply wrong about so many things.

tired sorry

Sometimes we have to apologize. Sometimes, even when any impartial, highly-educated expert would firmly agree that you are right and the other person is sadly bereft of facts and utterly adrift in a sea of confusion, we have to apologize. This card is for those moments.

Apology