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Home Ecards

Valentines ecard with text: 'Happy Valentines Day. I know you feel grateful right now. But I guess I dont really know just how grateful you feel... Note: proofs of gratitude can involve two or more of your better-looking friends and a jar of maple syrup.'

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card like this and then spend the rest of the day writing letters to various newspaper editors requesting more coverage of the small African nation of Bunwabe. I sign the letters 'concerned'. Bunwabe is a country I completely made up. I believe that one day I'll know why I do this.

ghost monkeys

On Wednesdays I traditionally post an older card and then spend the rest of the day praising Rupert Murdoch's allegedly corrupt publishing empire. That they may or may not have bugged my phone and recorded me drunkenly singing Jewel songs at 2am has only made me more supportive of them.

Get Well ecard with text: I suspect you have caught the Swine Flu and it's your fault because I warned you to wear a condom and you didn't listen.

suspecting swine flu

'Oh I heard you have swine flu.' 'No, I did have a headache but -' 'Yeah, sounds like Swine Flu. Stay away from me, man.' 'It's not --' 'Hey back off! I don't need to die right now. I got plans for the day.'