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page 45

Home Ecards

Celebration Concerned Dark Humor Family Holiday Jewish Just Because Love
Birthday Ecard with text: Thank you for understanding that my not remembering to get you a birthday present stems from a rejection of banality and an idiosyncratic tendency to focus on the Great Themes of Life rather than the tawdry or mundane.

tawdry and mundane

...

Birthday

Sympathy Ecard with text: 'I am sorry about your sudden and tragic loss. And can I spare you what was, for me, a painful lesson and suggest you do not idly bring up the topic of cannibalism? Take it from me: people can get pretty weird at you about it.'

pretty weird

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Sympathy

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I'm not saying you have bad taste in music because I am your friend and friends don't say things like that. Even when it's right. Even when it's wrong. Because then it's just some kind of great, insidious insect burrowing deep into the aching grey pulp of their brains, they say nothing. And it completely sucks.

friends say

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Thinking of You

Flirting Ecard with text: So the plan is we become sex addicts, then attempt to cure ourselves via immersion therapy. Unless you have a better plan for the weekend (not scientifically possible).

immersion therapy

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Flirting

Dark Humor Ecard with text: If we lose our jobs, let's start a small non-profit devoted to teaching bankers on Wall Street how to tie an effective noose. ps. yes I know i'm a genius.

an effective noose

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Dark Humor

WTF Ecard with text: Where is my fricking android butler you useless scientists? (not even going to mention jet packs)

fricking android

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WTF

Apology Ecard with text: I'm sorry I'm not more selfless but I tried it once and it kind of sucked for me.

sorry im not selfless

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Apology

Family Ecard with text: 'I was truly sorry to hear that your parents are getting a divorce. BTW: Could you please give your mother my phone number? No reason.'

no reason

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Family

Celebrity Ecard with text: michael jackson 1958-2009 he was anti-semitic but at least he loved children.

michael jackson

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Celebrity

Zombie Ecard with text: Real men will hunt down zombies while armed only with a falcon.

real men hunt zombies

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day writing strongly worded letters to the editors of major newspapers defending common sense and family values. If the government is keeping files on us all, then I'd prefer that they think that I am a complete lunatic.

Zombie

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