historical awareness

Columbus Day Ecard with text: If you're going to celebrate Columbus Day then show some historical awareness, perhaps by spending the day giving syphilis to Europeans. — about this card:
historical awareness | Alright, squad, I'm back. I've been off writing a book. It's finished now - what did I miss? I haven't been watching the news or anything - how is Bernie Sanders doing against Jeb Bush? Me? I'm feeling great. I grew a beard for a while and lived in my back yard, burned furniture to keep warm. Writing that book sure was a process. But we'll talk later. For now: Happy Columbus Day.

what could go wrong

Christmas Ecard with text: In the United States, twelve million adults believe the world is secretly controlled by lizard people. But go ahead, teach impressionable children that Sant Claus is real. What could possibly go wrong? (Picture of a lizard man in a Santa Hat.) — about this card:
what could go wrong | Christmas is nigh. Little orphans are peddling old shoes. Mums are smoking broken pencils and Dads are drinking turpentine and waving tire irons at invisible winged-snakes again. I know, I know - even I get maudlin and sentimental around this time of year. To be honest, I don't really understand today's card. But then, I don't really understand most of the things I say...

surrender

Fourth of July Ecard with text: Happy July Fourth, commemorating George Washington's surrender of Fort Necessity to the French on this day in 1754. — about this card:
surrender | I don't know a lot about Independence Day but I saw the movie and liked it. The only problem was that it gives the impression that July 4 started after aliens tried to take over the US back in the mid-nineties but, when you do the research, the Americans fought the aliens AND the French way back in 1750. Which makes you wonder why the aliens went away and waited for us to develop fighter jets before attacking again. Idiots.

fireworks

Fourth of July Ecard with text: Americans will spend $600 million dollars on fireworks for the 4th of July. 99% of those fireworks will be imported from China. Happy Independence Day. — about this card:
fireworks | One of my favorite things about Independence Day is when the pilot, who nobody believed had been abducted by aliens, turned out to have told the truth about it all. Nothing corroborates an alien abduction story quite like an alien invasion fleet turning up afterwards. Total vindication right there. Ever since I moved to the US and started stockpiling Chinese fireworks, I worry less and less about aliens. In fact: bring it on, aliens!

irish identity issues

St Patricks's Day Ecard with text: Let's celebrate St Patricks Day with people who probably couldn't find Ireland on a map. — about this card:
irish identity issues | On re-hash Wednesday I like to post an older wrongcard, and today's is one for St. Patrick's Day. A couple of my mates will be going 'ouch' right now but I have a bottle of Makers Mark on standby to send them singing into the land of forgiveness. I know, right?

invite the natives

Happy Thanksgiving Ecard with text: Happy Thanksgiving! Lets invite some native Americans over for dinner. We can steal their land while they eat.

special feelings

Happy Thanksgiving Ecard with text: Thanksgiving this year will be all about that very special feeling of gratitude that we can now finally sit and smirk

latest newsletters

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Strange Passage, Part Two

And then I was locked up in a holding cell, wondering what to do next.

Strange Passage, Part One

I tell you, it really makes a man think.