Tagged as #argument.


irish brawl

I'm not saying that St. Patricks Day is a conspiracy perpetrated by Irish brewing countries in league with a cartel of manufacturers of green food coloring. No wait a minute, that IS what I'm trying to say. Sorry, there's something about this holiday that gets me all muddled. It might possibly be the alcohol speaking. Look, I'm very good at research.
Ecard text: Let's celebrate St Patricks Day by dividing into two teams along arbitrary religious lines and then beating each other senseless.

disappointment

Sometimes I coordinate workplace behavioral studies. For instance, it is possible to stimulate the amygdala, or the 'panic' center of the brain, merely by setting ordinary office equipment on fire. I then write copious notes on how my co-workers react. Because that's how much I want to be a scientist. This apology card should be sent after the firemen turn off the automatic sprinkler system.
Ecard text: i am sorry you thought this was going to be a sincere apology when all this was ever destined to be was a nice picture of an aardvark.

in my defense

Ever done anything that required a sincere apology later? Me either. I've certainly apologized for some minor acts of arson, and that time I forgot to carry my own tray to the trash bins in the food court, but apologies aren't about right or wrong. Apologies are like nailing a dead fruit bat to someone's door; you don't want to do it but it's an easy way of quieting a person down. I'm here to help.
Ecard text: Im sorry that we argued and that you lost that argument, but in my defense, I wasnt trying very hard to win.

hallucinated

Whenever I apologize to someone I always try to make it sound heartfelt and sincere. I believe the best way of sounding heartfelt and sincere is the employment of a giraffe sock puppet. If you don't own one, ask the person to whom you are apologizing to simply imagine you have one on your hand. You should also warn them that the giraffe is a bit 'bitey'. Just in case your apology isn't good enough for them.
Ecard text: I am sorry you got angry at me when I contradicted your hallucinated version of reality.

argument

They say the best way to fight fire is with fire, but fire is useful for fighting all sorts of other things. Bees, for instance. Noisy neighbors. People who stand near bus stops in rabbit costumes. On another topic - sometimes people will try to get you to apologize by apologizing first for something less significant than, say, setting fire to someone's aunt. It's a rhetorical trick - don't fall for it!
Ecard text: I am deeply and sincerely sorry that you thought you could beat me in an argument.

wise

People say 'You're an easy person to agree with.' Or, 'It's easier just to agree with you' or something. I dunno, I try not to listen to flattery. Oprah once said that saying sorry is a sign of emotional intelligence but that doesn't help you at all if you don't do anything wrong. Some days I'm not sure Oprah is as infallible as I want her to be.
Ecard text: I am deeply sorry that we argued and feel that the whole misunderstanding could have been avoided if you had more immediately accepted the rightness of my views.

afterwards

Yesterday I stepped onto a plane and half a day later I was in Granada, Spain. I shall be here for three weeks. I am not fully prepared so I don't know how to say in Spanish, "look, officer, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this and.. look behind you! A three-headed monkey!" But there's no need to be prepared if you're good at apology...
Ecard text: I am sorry that we argued. And I am sorry that afterwards I continued the argument in my head and defeated you several times.

excuses for argument

Ecard text: 'Very soon I will think of something offensive to say that will cause three hours of bitter argument, followed by a solid half hour of make-up sex. (Note: I dont have anything yet, other than some fairly controversial views about geese).'

lets fight a duel

Ecard text: let's get mashed and fight a duel