Tagged as #arson.


god of fire

Sometimes I like to re-evaluate myself as an individual and, when I do, I like to give myself 10 out of 10 for self-critical-ness. I'm a simple guy who always tells the truth except if I don't feel like it or get carried away, which is pretty rare but it does happen when I'm at George Clooney's place. I'm not his coolest friend but he's like, 'Kris - you're in my top three'. So that's why I'm happy today.
Ecard text: Thank God it's Friday and nobody's desk mysteriously caught fire.

proof

I'm ignoring our re-hash Wednesday tradition and posting a new card today because, well, I have the power to do so and because I am the boss. Being a boss is like being a king except instead of bringing you courtesans they bring you tea. Today's card is about Mother's Day. I'm sorry I mentioned courtesans before. Sometimes I say things that are a little bit inappropriate. It's a bit of a secret.
Ecard text: Happy Mothers Day. There is no greater proof of my affection for you than the fact that I never set fire to a rival sibling, no matter how funny it would have been.

more interesting

Ecard text: Let's get this out of the way now: I will not be interested in hearing about your child until it grows into something more interesting. Like an arsonist.

positive thinking

Ecard text: I believe strongly in the power of positive thinking as an effective strategy for societal change.I just think that arson also works and is both efficient and incontrovertible.

nobody ever listens

Ecard text: Im always right but no one ever listens but i don't care and basically they should all burn.

arson and dissent

Ecard text: 'Hey kids - are you itching to get back at bourgeois status quo? Dont forget: arson isnt just a fun pass-time, it can also be a tool of political dissent. Remember: if they lied about Santa, take a wild guess about your upward mobility.'

when i need cheering up

Ecard text: When i need cheering up, i just try to imagine everything and everyone around me on fire. try it - you'll feel a whole lot better.

this place is gonna burn

Ecard text: this place is going to burn to the ground one night when i just happen to have an airtight alibi.