free ecards that are
wrong for every occasion

traditional easter

March 29, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Easter Ecard with text: To truly celebrate Easter in the traditional way we must first locate an unorthodox thinker who challenges the status quo and then nail him to some planks.
view send

about this card:
traditional easter | Today is Good Friday. I don't know what Good Friday is about because I haven't read the Bible yet but I have, of course, discerned that there was a lot in the Bible about how much Jesus liked chocolate eggs. If I was a messiah everyone would be setting fire to clowns, then sitting about eating pudding afterwards. But chocolate eggs are okay I guess.

pointy hats

February 12, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Topical Ecard with text: Jesus was very adamant. All human relationships with the higher power must be negotiated by a priesthood of men in a palace, presided over by a man in a very pointy hat. It's a Bible thing.
view send

about this card:
pointy hats | These are exciting times for me. The current pope is resigning, for reasons that an internal Vatican inquiry has declared entirely unrelated to my letters, and so obviously I'm focused on my resume and cover letter right now. I'm emphasizing that I've watched every episode of The Borgias, and that hardly any Cardinals will be poisoned or blackmailed. I'm going to win this.

testing faith

August 21, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Excuses Ecard with text: 'If I ever seem to accidentally contradict myself, remember: I am doing it to test your faith. Don't ever say I didn't learn anything from the Bible.'
view send

about this card:
testing faith | People often ask if I'm religious. Like any other rational, enlightened man I frequently dialog with Higher Powers. And once or twice I've made myself useful to Him, but why boast of it? He knows my door is always open (provided He doesn't eat all my snacks) and He can always turn to me for spiritual guidance, though I don't like it when He turns up when Bunheads is on.

pyramid incident

April 11, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Passover Ecard with text: Happy Passover. Though I'm sorry your people didn't stick around to help finish the pyramids because they turned out pretty nice in the end.
view send

about this card:
pyramid incident | On Wednesdays I prefer to post an older, more obscure card and then get to work on my bible. I'm writing a new bible, see, but with Cylons, because I like Cylons and was disappointed when there weren't any in the original. I haven't read the Jewish bible but I've seen the movie and liked it, despite them setting the narrative in an historic setting.

childless queen

May 3, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
Mother's Day Ecard with text: Thank you for not sending me down a river in a basket made from reeds so that I might be found by a Childless Queen and raised in that strange, distant realm to be a great and terrible leader of men.
view send

about this card:
childless queen | I'm not allowed to celebrate Mother's Day with Mother, so each year I make a life-sized doll, you see, and I sit with her at the table and we make tea and I bring her favorite cigarettes and liquorice. When it is over I take her outside and set her on fire. Without traditions we would all be lost.