certain conditions

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: Congratulations on your pregnancy. And I am, of course, willing to be present at the birth. Certain conditions may apply. — **about this card:**
*certain conditions* | I got invited to attend a childbirth once. Then I said a couple of things that got me swiftly uninvited. Of course - they were a bit weird but it occurs to me that many would go along just to be nice. I'm looking at you, Twenty-First Century Husbands. When Baby Miracle arrives you're supposed to be in a bar across the street. Smoking. And swigging brandy. Where did we go so wrong?

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I've been revisiting some of my older cards. Some of them are inexplicable.

Some games of cricket can last for weeks. In fact, I think that's one of the reasons I moved to America.

I slightly injured myself. Then, whilst forced to do nothing at all, I began to wonder about my own mental well-being.

And then I was locked up in a holding cell, wondering what to do next.

I tell you, it really makes a man think.