Tagged as #cephalopod.


sexy octopus

Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY'RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It's all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I'm a marketing god.
Ecard text: If you think about it, there's nothing sexier than an octopus.

flee from cephalopods

Sometimes when I need my subordinates to take my authority seriously I hire an elderly actor to talk to an empty chair. It reassures them. I have only drugged my employees' orange juice twice, and only as a joke, not to extend their productivity or anything because that would be unethical. I believe a workplace should be happy place filled with experimentation and fear.
Ecard text: You are not allowed to be bored at work until AFTER you have forced Human Resources to amend the Employee Handbook with fourteen pages detailing the prohibition of Weaponized Squid Delivery Devices.

dude

Ecard text: Dude we really should have read the descriptions when choosing our deity.