Wrongcards tagged: Cia
terror suspectWhen the doctor told me about Messianic Personality Disorder I held up my finger and said 'to define is to limit'. And I thanked him for naming a disorder after me and that I would regard it as a lifetime achievement award. He then said it wasn't named after me, which I suppose means I don't have it. Psychiatry is still just a theory I guess.
redactedI guess I was born to cheer people up. When someone is sad I remind them that they could die at any moment, perhaps at the hand of a someone they know, who pays for axes with cash, and is, moreover, familiar with the floor plan of their house. God clearly wants us all to be happy, so am I an act of God? I don't know, the Vatican is still ignoring my letters. Nice bureaucracy, guys.
elfI watch Bill O'Reilly so I know that the widespread lack of belief in Santa can be explained as a plot against Christmas by liberal elites. Sometimes I'm not certain though. I tortured this elf in my bedroom for more information, and I'm very good at that, but so far he's given up nothing. I feel like I've failed all of you.
investigations confirmedOn Wednesdays I post a link to an older card and then spend the rest of my day working as a volunteer on a street corner, raising awareness about how annoying people can be when they stand on the street corners raising awareness about things. Happy Wednesday!
Subscribe to our shenanigans
No spamming or soliciting from us. Seriously .
You can also follow us on Twitter.