free ecards that are
wrong for every occasion

terror suspect

July 11, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Topical Ecard with text: The world's most powerful government has has designated you as both a terror target and a terror suspect. This means you do not have the right to utter the phrase 'i am bored' ever again.
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about this card:
terror suspect | When the doctor told me about Messianic Personality Disorder I held up my finger and said 'to define is to limit'. And I thanked him for naming a disorder after me and that I would regard it as a lifetime achievement award. He then said it wasn't named after me, which I suppose means I don't have it. Psychiatry is still just a theory I guess.

redacted

March 21, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
CheerUp Ecard with text: Cheer up. God might not be listening to you but the CIA always is.
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about this card:
redacted | I guess I was born to cheer people up. When someone is sad I remind them that they could die at any moment, perhaps at the hand of a someone they know, who pays for axes with cash, and is, moreover, familiar with the floor plan of their house. God clearly wants us all to be happy, so am I an act of God? I don't know, the Vatican is still ignoring my letters. Nice bureaucracy, guys.

elf

December 15, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
Christmas Ecard with text: It is an increasingly common practice to put an elf doll in children's bedrooms. A supernatural doll that gathers data on their ethical performance. Former Russian KGB officers are probably kicking themselves.
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about this card:
elf | I watch Bill O'Reilly so I know that the widespread lack of belief in Santa can be explained as a plot against Christmas by liberal elites. Sometimes I'm not certain though. I tortured this elf in my bedroom for more information, and I'm very good at that, but so far he's given up nothing. I feel like I've failed all of you.

investigations confirmed

May 2, 2008 · Kris St.Gabriel
Topical Ecard with text: my investigations have concluded that barbie doesn't work for al qaeda
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about this card:
investigations confirmed | On Wednesdays I post a link to an older card and then spend the rest of my day working as a volunteer on a street corner, raising awareness about how annoying people can be when they stand on the street corners raising awareness about things. Happy Wednesday!