Tagged as #clowns.


when they came for the clowns

My feelings about clowns are finally entering the mainstream; Stephen King just put out a documentary called 'IT', which has been very well received, and my Monday evening 'Clown Awareness' circle has grown to more than seven members (if counting my own dissociated personalities is permitted). So I feel good. And you could feel good too, because you know what else? I'M BACK.
Ecard text: When they came for the clowns, I did not speak out - because I felt pretty good about it really. And in conclusion I would like to add WOOHOO! (Picture of a clown being dragged away).

best thing

People often say to me 'hey, be careful or you'll set fire to that couch!' Another thing they say is, 'you're a good guy, Che, and a pillar of this community.' And I'm thankful too, which is something you should always feel or at least pretend to feel. This morning I made this card as a way of saying Thank You to people. Don't thank me - well, no, you should absolutely thank me. That's the point, right?
Ecard text: You are the best thing that ever happened to me except for that one time when I found half a clown under a bridge. That was a great day!

positive things

The problem with having a nice temperament like mine is that only an unreasonable person can ever be angry at me. One way to know if someone is angry is when they bang cutlery loudly in the kitchen sink. It's not a useful tip if you happen to be outside the kitchen so I guess I can only answer 'some' questions. Like is god real? Yep, he's over at my house some nights. We play dice.
Ecard text: You would be much happier if you focused on more positive things. With a picture of a dead clown.

shadowy truth

People sometimes feel bad about things and I blame the media, and also spider monkeys. Everybody puts such an emphasis on bad things happening everywhere but a lot of good things happen that don't get reported on. Each year thousands of circus clowns go missing. If you happen to have information about clown disappearances near you, remember: discretion is everything.
Ecard text: Cheer up. Trust me, somewhere out there, alone and afraid in the woods, a clown is suffering.

clowns and logic

What is Christmas about, anyway? For me it's about inspiring others to be better. As an inspirational figure I want to remind you all that there are people in the world who, for reasons of ethnicity, don't celebrate Christmas. You should reach out to them and make them feel bad about that, so maybe next year they WILL celebrate Christmas, and maybe buy us both presents. Man that'd be cool.
Ecard text: You cannot kill a clown with logic. But you can kill it with a hammer.

revenge

I just spent 20 minutes looking for my keys - they get moved around by my enemies - and suddenly realized what an awful day Karl Rove must be having. He dropped millions trying to buy his friend a job but it didn't pan out due to an unanticipated technical error (they counted the votes). Then I found my keys. Woot! They were in a boot. I guess Obama and I are both having a good day.
Ecard text: Before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves in case you happen to meet a clown out there.

illegal

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day serving my community. Now, you can't really save the world on your own, but what you CAN do is pick one issue or cause and focus on that. Me? I work to raise awareness of clowns. I'm just trying to make a difference.
Ecard text: tragically, this shot would be illegal in most parts of the world. Lobby governments to overturn laws that protect clowns.

darts and clowns

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day using inexplicable similes. This is, of course, the only routine I have but it still gnaws at my mind like a rabid woodchuck. That aside, can we all agree that there is something horribly wrong with clowns?
Ecard text: If life has taught me anything it is that the best time to throw darts at a clown is when he is juggling.

a few go missing

It's re-hash Wednesday, which means I get to publish an older card and take the rest of the day off, ideally to do something frivolous. It's an important tradition to me because Wrongcards is a work of great seriousness and without a little bit of irresponsibility I'd probably go mad.
Ecard text: Clowns.. if a few go missing now and then, who is going to notice?

an ideal resolution

Ecard text: the ideal New Years Resolution should include the mention of a dead clown, a chain-saw, a stolen golf buggy, half a pound of peyote and a determination to improve oneself.

its never too late

Ecard text: kids, kill a clown. its waaaay more awesome than drugs.

clown-killing

Ecard text: i miss you. and killing clowns with a golf club isn't as fun without you as my caddy.

a paper card

You probably all thought I was dead. Can you not be so morbid? Anyway, unrelated but if any of you are suffering a life-threatening illness, can you PLEASE not leave your body to science and leave it to me? We're four weeks out from Halloween and I haven't got my authentic porch ornaments sorted. If the folks next door want to make 'Halloween decorations' a competition, then fine. Bring it Karen.
Ecard text: you don't want a paper card with pictures of puppies and balloons on your birthday. you want a wrongcard with a picture of a dead clown. happy birthday.

fear of clowns

Ecard text: thank you for understanding my irrational fear of clowns

third dead clown

Ecard text: after your third dead clown the fun begins to wear off a little