Tagged as #consumerism.


trite

I was in love once. It was an earth-shattering experience, a state of instant infatuation. As soon as I tasted that vanilla bean ice-cream cone I fell head over heals. Then, in that moment of ecstasy, some really annoying girl came up and asked for a taste. This is where the story gets bad. , , Turns out, she liked vanilla bean ice-cream too. You know what she does? She sits down right next to me and starts to take turns eating my ice-cream (!) And smiling at me in a simpering sort of way (!) Well, long story short, I only got to eat half of that ice-cream cone. But it was love that I felt for that ice-cream, I am sure of it. Makes me sad to remember, actually., , Sigh. That's love for you, I guess. , ,
Ecard text: Here it is. Your Valentines Day card. Because there just isn't enough trite sentimentality in the world. (A picture of an inflatable pony with the caption - mildly disturbing picture of an inflatable pony.)

a christmas exegesis

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card but occasionally I'll look at my calendar and notice that everyone has skipped a day by accident. On Thursdays I like to lurk behind doors and hiss at passers by. It's not very Christmassy but, like everybody else, irrational traditions have always played an important part in my life.
Ecard text: So some Italians nailed a pacifist, anti-materialist Jewish guy to a few planks and now we celebrate his birthday with a shopping spree. And while this is not considered tactless, it is considered tactless to mention it.

industrialist fat cats

I'd protest this holiday. And on the burning barricades I'd chant at police and hurl Molotovs. And then? I'd fall beneath the bejeweled jackboots of St. Valentines Day thugs, wielding their guilt trips and demanding their chocolate boxes and heart-shaped cards. So if anyone needs me I'll be at the florists. Muttering to myself.
Ecard text: 'St Valentines Day can be one of only two things: rich fat-cat industrialists with warehouses full of Valentines Day stuff to fob off onto unsuspecting poor folk, or two: love. Can you decide which because I can't think about it without twitching.'

trickle down christmas

The first Christmas wrongcard for 2010 is here. And you'll see that I chose to avoid controversy and just stick to the basic themes, which is how I like to operate. If you aren't feeling the Christmas spirit yet, try a Christmas-themed snack - like gingerbread. Or a leg of venison.
Ecard text: Santa might give more expensive gifts to rich kids but only because he knows they'll eventually trickle down to poor kids.

miscommunication

Ecard text: When I said 'it is a low-brow superficial holiday' what I really meant to say was 'Happy Valentines Day.' I hope we are still on for sex.

symbolic emptiness

Ecard text: Christmas is a debt-inducing celebration of commodity culture wrapped inside a guilt trip, which means I won't talk to you if you don't get me a present.

chocolate vendors

Ecard text: Happy Easter from somebody who feels like the whole holiday is an elaborate prank perpetrated by chocolate vendors.

consumer goods

Ecard text: And personally I have no problem with it being an 'exchanging consumer goods for sex kind of holiday.

undermines christmas

Ecard text: you know they say liberals and atheists undermine Christmas.

a merry christmas

Ecard text: i really wish you a merry Christmas. Even though a bunch of greedy business men will make the holidays seem all tawdry and lame.

happy consumer holiday

Ecard text: happy consumer spending holiday! Dont forget to max out  your credit cards - the economy needs you to spend beyond your means!

expensive gift

Ecard text: i wanted to buy you an expensive gift but then we would have been manipulated by consumerism (and this wrongcard was free).