Don't listen to what some people say, everyone is an optimist. Everyone is being completely optimistic - they might as well embrace the reality. Whenever I turn on the television I stare at it for eight minutes, turn it off and then have to go lie down because civilisation is clearly coming to a sticky end. But then I'm up 15 minutes later because Fox News must not win. See? Optimism. In other news, I should be a motivational speaker.
"You didn't give me a Birthday card," she said. "Oh that's right, your Birthday is in September. When is it exactly?" "It was two weeks ago." "Hmm, I should buy you a card." "You OWN a greeting card company!" "That's right, I do - so can I make you a card, then? It's just that it would be cheaper for me." "Alright," she said, "but I want it to be a nice card. A picture of a puppy or something."