elephants

WTF Ecard with text: The fact that elephants are expected never to forget anything can make impending anniversaries for male elephants profoundly stressful, and been shown to lead to anxiety, depression and drug use. This elephant (pictured) is addicted to tranquilizers. — about this card:
elephants | Anniversaries are great. If you can keep someone from working out who you truly are for an entire year then you deserve a bit of a romantic celebration. Sadly it is becoming increasingly customary these days to spend your anniversary with your partner and not with prostitutes, but traditional values will come back into vogue, don't worry. Another war will see to that.

never

Baby Shower Thank You Cards Ecard with text: I promise to always look after your child provided you NEVER turn into one of those people who get weird and serious about babysitters who raid your medicine cabinet. — about this card:
never | Two thirds of our team are back from our Fact Finding Mission to Spain, where we studied Alcohol Intolerance and Sleep Deprivation. (It wasn't a competition but I still won!) I left the most responsible of us behind in Boston to run Wrongcards, as well as to teach him just how far Being Responsible will get him. Today's card is about babies I think. Next time I post I'll research it better.

simulating

Reminders Ecard with text: It may not be ethical, but simulating serious psychological problems can result in free accommodation and drugs. — about this card:
simulating | I had a responsibility once. Most harrowing four minutes of my life. When the old lady came back and thanked me for minding her groceries I was covered in a dread-laden sweat. I don't need to learn a lesson twice - I've been skirting responsibilities ever since. So even though I want to be an inspiration to you all, I can't teach you this stuff. Have you guys SEEN a calendar? Stressful...

charlie sheen

Celebrity Ecard with text: Your problems are negligible, think of Charlie Sheen. If someone gave YOU a choice between nothing and two million dollars to make a show like Two and a Half Men, you'd be a complete emotional wreck as well. — about this card:
charlie sheen | The media is blitzing us with reports of uprisings in Libya, Tunisia and Egypt, but have so far ignored the tribulations of actor Charlie Sheen. He's out of work and in six months will run out of cocaine. He doesn't need our pity, he needs drugs and hookers, so take on some extra shifts and donate generously. Thank you.

its never too late

Inspirational Ecard with text: kids, kill a clown. its waaaay more awesome than drugs.

heath ledger

Celebrity Ecard with text: If heath ledger taught us anything, it is that we need to stop buying drugs from mary-kate olsen.

the money i save

Family Ecard with text: the money i save by sending you an ecard instead of a gift will be spent on drugs. you must have totally failed me as a parent

the more stoned i get

WTF Ecard with text: the more stoned i get, the more awesome ducks become

eating glue

WTF Ecard with text: it may taste nice but since i stopped eating glue, i've regained my self respect. And my sense of the color yellow.

coffee and rohypnol

Flirting and Pick Up Lines Ecard with text: wanna come back to my place for coffee and rohypnol?

latest newsletters

Wrongcards and the Mind Virus

I've been revisiting some of my older cards. Some of them are inexplicable.

A Not So Cricketty Christmas

Some games of cricket can last for weeks. In fact, I think that's one of the reasons I moved to America.

The Infernal Terracotta Pot

I slightly injured myself. Then, whilst forced to do nothing at all, I began to wonder about my own mental well-being.

Strange Passage, Part Two

And then I was locked up in a holding cell, wondering what to do next.

Strange Passage, Part One

I tell you, it really makes a man think.