Tagged as #eating.


possible

They say that my Mum had a very generous spirit. I have few memories of her, mostly they're of her leaving to go out on her rounds in her nurses uniform. It's a pity she wasn't a nurse. Mother's Day is an important holiday/scam run by the greeting card industry. I'll be honest about it at least until Wrongcards is profitable, after which I'm obligated to pretend it's not nonsense.
Ecard text: Thank you Mother for refraining from eating me when I was small, and thus making this Mothers Day card possible.

cchinese restaurants

I want to go to India one day; I love the food and the people seem really nice, despite Hollywood making them out to be violent, tomahawk-wielding lunatics who'll attack anyone in a cowboy hat. But then, I'm a worldly, cosmopolitan sort of guy. And one time I ate Chinese food. Cooked by a retired warlord called General Tso. My life is amazing!
Ecard text: So it turns out that trying to order panda in a Chinese restaurant is considered offensive.

extrapolation

You all know that I hate to boast but the fact is that I'm really good at logic. The only thing that stops me from writing a book called 'How To Defeat Everybody With Logic' is the worrying fact that I still occasionally see zebras following me around that nobody else can see. And Katie Couric would ask me about it during the interview and I'd have no response. Plus I'm also in love with Katie Couric.
Ecard text: I'm not saying that you eat spiders. I'm saying that we don't see spiders when you're around and that you rarely seem to be hungry, and it that it might be possible to exrapolate from this.

responsible actions

Ecard text: If I should ever wander off into the fog in my mind, lose my way and never return, I want you to have my cat. Provided I havent eaten it by then or something.

damnedest things

Ecard text: Some say that there is more to Thanksgiving than gluttony disguised as gratitude, or the massacre of 5.3 million turkeys.   HA HA HA HA HA HAHA.

scientific inquiry

Ecard text: 'So I poured bong water into your aquarium to see if fish can get high. Now, before you react, I want you to focus on the undeniable truth - that scientific inquiry has long confused lay society. However, to show you I am a good sport, I have decided to cook you dinner tonight. Just waiting for the fish to finish marinating.'

white meat

Ecard text: 'as food prices rise, remember: there are alternative sources of white meat. And it's not as if they don't fantasize about eating us. Look - i'm just saying.'

next time i eat chicken

Ecard text: next time i eat chicken, i'm cooking it first

ladybugs are beautiful

Ecard text: ladybugs are beautiful, and packed with protein