Tagged as #false.


technically misleading

I never watched Brokeback Mountain. I don't like westerns I guess. A friend tried to tell me that movie was gay, so I stopped talking to him: I won't tolerate the use of inappropriate language around me. It's a stupid criticism too. I mean, just because someone wears a cowboy hat doesn't make them gay. Anyway, today's card is for those of you bedeviled by authenticity. I love you guys, you know?
Ecard text: So technically it was misleading of you to tell me you wanted me to be myself.

deeply profoundly

Sometimes I cover my face, pretend to be upset, and say to people, 'I've been having some emotional problems lately' which is my way of saying: 'soon you're going to find the roadkill that I've hidden under your bed. I hope we will still be friends'. Friendships; they take work. Today's rehash Wednesday card is for saying sorry. See? I'm your friend.
Ecard text: I am deeply and profoundly sorry that I have to apologize to you and promise that next time I will treat myself with more consideration.

self-made man

I’m aware I have had certain advantages in life. Not every boy gets to grow up knowing his dad was both an astronaut AND an arctic explorer. My grandmother says it’s a pity my dad had to go into hiding when the lizard people from Rigel VI surreptitiously took control of all the world’s major governments, because I’d have really liked him.
Ecard text: Dad, thanks for turning me into a self-made man

never feel troubled

Today's card is a Cheer Up card, which can be sent to people who are being depressing. Typically that means they have some sort of problem or a bad thing has happened. My point? When someone's life stops being about blue skies, short skirts and ice cream, we send this card. I know, right? Where were you guys before you found me?
Ecard text: i want you to know that if you ever feel troubled or sad you can come to me, and i will console you by telling you that it’s all your fault for never doing what i tell you to do.

good about being wrong

Whenever I apologize for something I focus on getting the details right. If you get the details wrong then it might sound insincere or as though you are thinking about something else. Sometimes I can't remember the details so I like to keep apologies very general and vague. Today's card, for example.
Ecard text: I apologize for the fact that I wasn't put on earth to help people feel good about being wrong.

unintentionally

Over my Christmas vacation (which is ending, by the way, roughly now-ish) I thought about becoming a better person. Less difficult, more civilized and all that nonsense. But ultimately I decided it probably wasn't worth the effort and that self-improvement is really about Better Excuses and Alibis. Here is the first Wrongcard for 2011.
Ecard text: I am sorry I seemed a bit difficult, but it wasn't intentional. I am only intentionally difficult on Tuesdays.

busy being interesting

You know when a villain ties a person to the railway tracks and sends a letter to the hero saying 'you better get down here or your friend is going to get run over ha ha etcetera?' I don't know if this has happened to me because I tend not to open correspondence. I just forget. Missing the requisite gene I suppose. Here's an ecard for people like me.
Ecard text: I am sorry I have not been more supportive of you lately. I have just been very busy being interesting.

tired sorry

Sometimes we have to apologize. Sometimes, even when any impartial, highly-educated expert would firmly agree that you are right and the other person is sadly bereft of facts and utterly adrift in a sea of confusion, we have to apologize. This card is for those moments.
Ecard text: I am sorry I got tired and forgot to pretend you are not deeply wrong about so many things.

just go la la la

I'm sure that none of you has ever needed to apologize to anyone for anything ... but if it ever becomes necessary to PRETEND to be sorry about something (because someone is being boring and serious about it) then this card will surely help.
Ecard text: If you don't know why I'm apologizing, please disregard this ecard. It's nothing and you always forgive me eventually anyway so just think about something else. Go like this:         LA La la la la LA.

otherwise sincere

Ecard text: I am sorry that my apologies seem insincere and I promise to keep practicing them until you no longer notice.

sometimes monologue

Ecard text: I'm sorry I sometimes monologue but it really only happens when I think you have nothing of interest to say.

big enough to admit it

Ecard text: im sorry im big enough to admit when youre wrong