Tagged as #friends.


we agree

When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
Ecard text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.

misheard

'I have a theory. Have you ever vomited and thought: "My God, there's tiny bits of carrots in it. Look at 'em all. Wait, I didn't eat carrots. When's the last time I ate carrots? I need to eat more carrots." Anyway I have a theory. Your appendix? It produces tiny pieces of carrot for when you throw up. That's my theory. (I never said it was a good theory).'
Ecard text: I was sorry to hear that you had died, and am sending you this ecard on the chance that I simply misheard.

so i am not delusional

I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.
Ecard text: If I was delusional then God would not have personally befriended me in the first place.

it is a sign

I was raised in a trailer by my grandma, a wonderful, wise old bird who sold cat pelts to tourists to fund her collection of human teeth. When she wasn't passed out drunk on kerosene, she was doing everything humanly possible to provide me with a normal childhood, including carefully negotiated contracts with witch doctors. This card is for those who weren't as lucky as me.
Ecard text: It is a sign of just how much I actually like you that I haven't introduced you to my family yet.

once bitten

I was standing in the library taking photos when this librarian came up and told me to stop. "You can't take photos in the library," he said. Later, when I was looking at the photo I took of him, I decided to draw him as a zombie. It's a sad future when even librarians might be one day be zombies.
Ecard text: If you should ever be bitten by a zombie ... look don't worry about it. I'll sort it out.

everybody knows

It's a terrible thing to be unappreciated. When you are the very glue that holds everyone around you together, you can't expect a thanks, praise or ice-cream. But sometimes it might help to remind your friends and family how integral you are to the structural integrity of their lives.
Ecard text: Everybody knows that without me you probably would have been eaten by leopards by now.

your alleged cake

It may not be your birthday today but I made each and every one of you this birthday card anyway. Just in case. Oh shush, it was nothing.
Ecard text: It's your birthday! They give you a cake. And then a crowd of people help themselves to a slice. And everybody congratulates you while they eat your alleged cake. They eat it all up in front of you and you only get one slice, maybe two.

friends say

Ecard text: I am not saying you have bad taste in music because I am your friend and friends dont say things like that. Even when friends think it, they remain ever silent. Even when it gnaws at them like some great, insidious insect...

irrevocable pain

Ecard text: 'If you were paying attention you would have realized by now that you were promised a pony, but you never received this pony, and that this constitutes a massive betrayal in your life. And the only way to diminish this dull yet irrevocable pain in your heart is to stab random friends and co-workers with pens. Stop by later, I have some pens I'm prepared to sell you.'

bromance

Ecard text: Friends don't let friends use the word bromance. In fact, friends 'stab' friends who use the word 'bromance'.

i am trying to decide

Ecard text: I am trying to decide if you are with me or against me.

loot tobacconists first

Ecard text: When the zombies attack, many of your closest friends and relatives are going to die in a ferocious storm of mindless violence and blood.

you mean more to me now

Ecard text: you mean more to me, now, than merely a token jewish friend.