Tagged as #god.


so i am not delusional

I'm not a contentious person because everyone always ends up agreeing with me - at least eventually. Here at Wrongcards I like to stick to safe topics like religion, which reminds me of why I called the site 'wrongcards' in the first place: because I'm right about stuff and people are wrong, though they'll get there eventually which is why I like everyone. Also God told me to call it that.
Ecard text: If I was delusional then God would not have personally befriended me in the first place.

jackal head

Consider that on Wednesdays I like to post older cards for the sake of nostalgia. In the rich tapestry that we call the human experience, the muddled moments of madness, forgetfulness and shoplifted puddings that sustain each of us, does it truly matter if today is Thursday? Thank you, your forgiveness is very dear to me.
Ecard text: I am treating you with caution until I am certain that you are not going to turn into one of that Jackal-Headed gods of Ancient Egypt, because I'm sick of investing myself in people and winding up feeling foolish.

redacted

I guess I was born to cheer people up. When someone is sad I remind them that they could die at any moment, perhaps at the hand of a someone they know, who pays for axes with cash, and is, moreover, familiar with the floor plan of their house. God clearly wants us all to be happy, so am I an act of God? I don't know, the Vatican is still ignoring my letters. Nice bureaucracy, guys.
Ecard text: Cheer up. God might not be listening to you but the CIA always is.

make yourself agreeable

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card, and then spend the rest of the day working undercover at a company that manufactures cafe furniture. For years I've been secretly implementing policies that ensure all cafe tables are sold with one leg slightly too short. I guess some men just want to watch the world burn.
Ecard text: God has appeared to me and revealed that you must make yourself more agreeable to me.

evolution

One of my daily challenges is the fact that I understand politics better than everybody else. I already know who will win the US election - some really rich Americans who live in Monaco and Switzerland. Normal Americans who live inside the United States won't fare so well, of course, but at least they'll get to have some interesting arguments among themselves at Thanksgiving.
Ecard text: I don't know what scares me more - International Terrorism, or that 46% of American voters believe the world was created in six days.

synchronized swimming

There was a time when our troubled relationship with the International Olympic Committee still had a chance. In retrospect I think the turning point came when we showed them this card. 'Cause about ten seconds later one them threw a mango at me. Seriously, who does that? Some of those IOC guys can be really immature when confronted with Art.
Ecard text: Synchronized Swimmers never drown during Olympic Events. And this means that God cannot possibly exist.

evidence

I never like to hear people arguing about religion because that means they're not sitting there listening attentively to me. Everyone has a different approach to religious debate. Mine is to scream: That Is Anathema! until everyone leaves. I guess it's important to win.
Ecard text: We can argue all day whether or not God gets high, but I think the evidence is clear.

sometimes god talks smut

Ecard text: I am sorry I cannot accompany you to church. Because sometimes God talks to me and when He does I have to cover my ears because all He wants to do is talk smut.

not my real father

Ecard text: I would have forked out real money for a real Fathers Day card, but it turns out that God is my real father.

god will have his jokes

Ecard text: I hope you enjoy your birthday because only God knows how many you have left or which birthday will be your last, and He just wants the whole thing to be an hilarious surprise.

god and dr phil

Ecard text: Without faith God is nothing. Though this signifies an unwholesome dependence on 'external validation 'to fortify his own self-worth and in my opinion he really should have appeared on Dr Phil before now.

dude

Ecard text: Dude we really should have read the descriptions when choosing our deity.

grant us strength

Ecard text: god grant us the strength to punish the self-righteous