free ecards that are
wrong for every occasion

reciprocity

February 12, 2015 · Kris St.Gabriel
Valentines Ecard with text: Here is your Valentines Day card. Now it is your turn to do something for me. Vaseline.
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about this card:
reciprocity | Some companies profiteer from war. Others profiteer from love. Which is worse? Here at Wrongcards™ we like to ask the hard questions. Like - is our company guilt-tripping you with stupid made-up holidays? Or are we culture assassins engaged in a war on savagery and kitsch? The answer to that question is really up to you. Or, rather, our lawyers, who very boringly overruled this slogan idea for our website: 'Wrongcards: The Halliburton of Ecards'.

rocky phase

October 12, 2014 · Kris St.Gabriel
WTF Ecard with text: The great benefit to exclusively having sex with an octopus is that it won't live long enough for you both to reach that 'rocky' phase of the relationship.
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about this card:
rocky phase | Lately a lot of people have been assuming I was dead. It's strange how a man can't paint himself a greenish hue and lay about near busy intersections without everyone making weird assumptions. Now you might think of vampires as a sort of sublimated necrophiliac rape fantasy but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Today's card contains an octopus. The mention of vampires was just randomness.

still want you

October 2, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Romance Ecard with text: I want you to know that I would still want to be with you even if I COULD lick my own genitals.
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about this card:
still want you | Romance today is all about half-measures. It's gotten so bad that boys don't even steal flowers from graves any more, they just buy 'em in a shop. That's like saying 'I'll do anything to win and retain your affections provided it's convenient and lawful'. Once, lovers red-lined their emotions well into the realm of corpse desecration. But its ok, Romance can be saved; Wrongcards is taking it back!

sheep

July 30, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Flirting Ecard with text: If God didnt want me to practice on you he would have given me a sheep farm.
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about this card:
sheep | I know many of you hope one day to find a special someone with an excellent credit history and maybe go in on a thirty-year fixed-rate mortgage together. I too am a romantic. But romance isn't just about money - there's a biological aspect to it too. If you don't send today's card to a potential co-mortgage signatory then you'll never have any offspring to fight about in court. I'm here to help.

not half so adventurous

May 9, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Flirting Ecard with text: I'm not half as sexually adventurous as Mr Sock.
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about this card:
not half so adventurous | May 9th is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. I believe that every washing machine manufactured after 1963 was designed to eat precisely one sock per month, just to keep everybody in the consumer world a little off-balance. So where do all the socks go? They're sacrificed, with noble intent, for our collective unease. It's a religion I'm starting. And, of course, I'll be taking donations...

sweet anteater lover

January 23, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Flirting Ecard with text: I want to make sweet love to you like an anteater.
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about this card:
sweet anteater lover | Anteaters were once thought to be related to aardvarks but they turned out to be related to sloths and armadillos. I have never seem an anteater but I've seen several wombats. Anteaters aren't related to wombats but I don't see any reason why they wouldn't get along. Today's re-hash Wednesday card is dedicated to any anteater reading this.

celery

October 4, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Anniversary Ecard with text: Let's celebrate our anniversary by thinking of each other when we're fapping.
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about this card:
celery | Anniversaries, right? People have them. Not me, so much, 'cause I believe that honesty is important in relationships. Wait, is that another thing Oprah was wrong about? Jesus Oprah! Anyway. It's beside the point. This card is pretty much NSFW. But I think most wrongcards are pretty much NSFW because, unlike most, I believe in good taste, decency and mental cleanliness. Happy Thursday...

loneliness

August 14, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: A zombie apocalypse can get pretty lonely. But no matter how alone, how bored, how curious, don't even think about it.
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about this card:
loneliness | Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...

cat safety

May 8, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Mother's Day Ecard with text: Happy Mothers Day. Thank you for raising me to be someone around whom cats are very safe, no matter how amorous I might be feeling.
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about this card:
cat safety | I had a pretty normal childhood even though I was raised by my Nanna after my parents were kidnapped by lizard people. Nanna was in the underground before our side surrendered, and she had to live in 'psychic hiding' (constant inebriation) to avoid detection by mind scanners. So coming up with Mothers Day cards is, of course, a bit tricky. But what I like about this card is that it is reassuring.

concessions to romance

March 20, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Flirting Ecard with text: Sure, it's up to you to decide how you feel about my wanting to touch you with a halibut. I just think it would be easier if you went with 'flattered'.
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about this card:
concessions to romance | Like a few dozen other men I have a bit of a romantic streak. Sometimes I buy myself lilies or I light scented candles and take long baths. Or I put on some hip-hop and have a bit of a cry for no reason at all. I'll get annoyed at my lady and not tell her why and just wash up loudly. Or not talk to her because of something she did in one of my dreams. Othertimes - I just make a wrongcard.

mayonnaise

August 24, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
Flirting Ecard with text: mayonnaise makes the night more memorable
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about this card:
mayonnaise | Today is re-hash Wednesday; I post an older card and then ever so slightly exaggerate my plans for the rest of the afternoon. By the way, I hope today's card doesn't discourage anyone. Frankly, I hope it inspires a certain spirit of scientific inquiry.

society was not ready

August 17, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
WTF Ecard with text: 'Society was not yet ready for what Mister Bunny and I shared together that hot complicated summer in the long grass behind my Aunt's old farm house. But looking back through the window of memory I simply recall him as he no doubt was: a sensitive yet utterly spoiled stuffed toy with an irrepressible curiosity about his body and, to my delight, my own.'
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about this card:
society was not ready | On Wednesdays I like to post an older card for the sake of nostalgia and spend the rest of the day warning people about minotaurs stealing our jobs. I'll keep doing that until Fox News finally runs a panel discussion on the subject. Then I'll just retire in sick horror.