Tagged as #mothers.


queen

People often say to me: "Who are you?! And how did you get in here?" And I say: "Sorry, wrong house!" and apologize for eating their yogurt. People also say to me, "you're a good son, your Mother must be proud!" and then I have to explain that I was raised by my grandmother who fed me lizards. And people wonder why I like the taste of yogurt so much.
Ecard text: I think you are a way better mother than Queen Elizabeth II, who promised her son would be king and then hung around living for a million years instead. Because you didn't promise me anything.

pony free childhood

Ecard text: Happy Mothers Day. And just think about how much better our relationship would be if you had just bought me a pony like I asked?   I guess you'll have to be content with a crap ecard.

maternal sacrifice

Ecard text: Happy Mothers Day Few Mothers have done more for their progeny than you. Excepting those who died in childbirth of course. I mean, we have to give credit where credit is due. Those Mothers make your maternal sacrifices seem trivial.

these pretty flowers

Ecard text: these pretty flowers had their stalks snapped just as they budded so people could feel good about themselves. It seems pretty morbid and deranged to me, but old women like this stuff so here you are, Happy Mothers Day Blah Blah.

too old to be breast-fed

Ecard text: i'm too old to be breast-fed, ma!