Tagged as #murder.


just try

The only reason Wrongcards has not officially endorsed a religion is because we haven't yet received a sponsorship offer. My hope is that we'll be sponsored by Christianity though I don't know much about it other than its founder was a tall, bearded, blue-eyed guy with North-American good looks. Still, his followers seem to be pretty heavily-armed, which I think is pretty persuasive really.
Ecard text: Dear Jewish person, I agree to be your friend on the condition that you at least TRY not to kill Jesus when he comes back.

old peoples home

I'm going to go ahead and admit that there aren't many Family Wrongcards yet. Ever since my own family died in an unsuspicious fire that happened while I was on the other side of town making a speech in front of several eyewitnesses, I don't like to think about family. Still, you have to admit it's an institution. And it's incredibly beautiful, the way it dances. Sometimes I think fire is a god.
Ecard text: Dont worry. Whatever happens I'm never gonna put you in an old peoples home.

easter lesson

I've been meaning to become religious for a while now. I think I'd be really good at it. Everyone would be DAMN he's good at being religious, and I'd be like I KNOW RIGHT. I'd be better at being religious than Jesus, who, let's face it, kept a back-up career just in case (carpentry). My favorite quote by Jesus? "Live by the carpentry, die by the carpentry." See? Good at being religious.
Ecard text: The lesson I have taken away from Easter is that if you are really, really, really nice to people, you will be betrayed by your friends, murdered and then, 2000 years later, everyone will remember you by eating a randomly chosen chocolate animal.

easter guilt trip

Ecard text: Some Romans killed a nice man and then people began to worship him as a God. Then people said 'He DIED for you!? except it turns out you can't kill a God that easily and three days later he was back on his feet anyway.

easter isn't tactless

Ecard text: If I ever survived a crucifixion, the last thing I'd want to think about or see again is a crucifix. But I'm sure Jesus doesn't think the whole Easter festival is tactless.

christmas regrets

Ecard text: Due to prohibitively strict laws in my State, I could not this year contrive to present you with the severed head of Justin Bieber as a Christmas gift. And I say so with heartfelt regret and feelings of utter despondency.

its never too late

Ecard text: kids, kill a clown. its waaaay more awesome than drugs.

four out of five

Ecard text: Four out of five mental health professionals agree that i'm no danger to anybody. Don't worry about that one guy, I'll kill him later.