I'm not the tidiest person but that doesn't mean my friends shouldn't be. Sometimes I'll go over to a mate's place and think: how nice that you feel comfortable enough not to clean up before I arrive. So I tell them what Black Mold is. Ten minutes later they'll be disinfecting the linoleum under the fridge while I watch on, eating all the biscuits. You see, I have always liked biscuits.
Obsessive compulsive disorder is a silent killer - mostly of bacteria and household germs. Not that I would make light of a disorder that my ideal house-cleaner would have, but it is OCD Awareness Week, you know. I think. Maybe it's in January. Look, they won't mind. I created a new category of cards for OCD week anyway. Just in case it's, like, now.
'Every Wednesday I post an older card, then I watch TV so corporations can tell me which foods to eat through the next year, and where to buy their diabetes meds the year after that, and which politician they think is most cooperative. Also: did you know how much bacteria is in your bathroom? If you're not worried then the germs have already won.'