Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY'RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It's all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I'm a marketing god.
I have only drugged my employees' orange juice twice, and only as a joke, not to extend their productivity or anything because that would be unethical. I believe a workplace should be happy place filled with experimentation and fear.