Tagged as #paranoia.


sneaky snowmen

People often say I'm too serious, but I have so many responsibilities! I run one of the most influential and socially responsible websites on Earth! It's Christmas and I should burning tires in my living room and making up a batch of Nanna's lizard soup but here I am drawing pictures of snowmen for all you reckless people who think snowmen are safe to be around. Look at me, Nanna, saving the world again...
Ecard text: Merry Christmas. Remember, Snowmen are secretly sentient, and can oftentimes behave very weirdly. You dismiss my warnings at your own peril.

jackal head

Consider that on Wednesdays I like to post older cards for the sake of nostalgia. In the rich tapestry that we call the human experience, the muddled moments of madness, forgetfulness and shoplifted puddings that sustain each of us, does it truly matter if today is Thursday? Thank you, your forgiveness is very dear to me.
Ecard text: I am treating you with caution until I am certain that you are not going to turn into one of that Jackal-Headed gods of Ancient Egypt, because I'm sick of investing myself in people and winding up feeling foolish.

unwelcome follower

If I were a famous individual my name would be prefixed with the phrase 'The Famous Recluse'. I know that sounds grandiose but I don't see any point in being a humble recluse. So anyway I like to provide excuses to recluses. Example: today's card. If you want an unbelievable life, stop being believable right now, I say.
Ecard text: I am sorry I cannot attend your party but I'll be secluding myself indefinitely, or at least until this very persistent zebra stops following me.

ten thousand creatures

Ecard text: May ten thousand nightmarish, pumpkin-headed creatures armed with Kalashnikovs and rocket-propelled grenades stage a violent and bloody military coup this  Halloween.

look over your shoulder

Ecard text: When you stop to look at a map, remember to look over your shoulder.