Tagged as #prostitution.


disrespected

The holidays are almost upon us. And you know who, apart from Santa and serial killers, are going around visiting people? In-laws. In-laws are a practical joke that fate likes to play on married people, which is why I decided to create a new category of cards about them. If you're expecting the Unspeakables this year, this first in-law card is for you. Happy holidays you crazy cats...
Ecard text: I'm sorry I don't want your family to visit but if I wanted to be disrespected under my own roof I would just hire a dominatrix.

special occasions

Alright blokes, you're fond of a lady but you can't very well show up in her kitchen at 3am, naked and covered in mud and broken glass, claiming to be a time-traveler. Trust me, I speak from experience when I say that women are far too jaded and cynical nowadays for that to work. My best advice? Send this card. My next best advice requires a gorilla suit but I don't give away ALL my trade secrets.
Ecard text: If we start dating then I would no longer need to pay for sex except on special occasions. So it would be win-win for both of us.

moderate quality

A lot of men find it difficult to express themselves emotionally, but that's only because a lot of men these days don't drink a lot of whiskey. Men, it's easy to speak your mind; all you have to do is make sure nobody is home, lock the doors and whisper. I can't believe we have a reputation for being unable to communicate.
Ecard text: I like you more than I'd like two prostitutes of moderate quality.

dont beat me

Ecard text: i love you please dont beat me with a stick