free ecards that are
wrong for every occasion

ridiculousness

February 13, 2018 · Kris St.Gabriel
Valentines Ecard with text: 'Historians dont actually know who Saint Valentine was or how he became martyred. Geoffrey Chaucer and his mates in the 14th Century began to associate the day with romantic love about a thousand years after he died. And I'm not celebrating it because it's ridiculous'
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about this card:
ridiculousness | Obviously I'm trying to raise some awareness here. Maybe launch a movement. Perhaps Valentines Day can topple over one day, like the statue of a dictator. The only thing stopping me from pointing out that this is a completely made-up holiday is the fact that they're ALL completely made up holidays! Also, nobody has ever sent me a Valentines Day thing. But whatevs. Not bitter; it's the institution.

breast defense

February 14, 2014 · Kris St.Gabriel
Apology Ecard with text: I am sorry for what I did or did not do. Though in my defence this entire relationship was caused by your breasts. (Illustration of badger with the caption - A BADGER. Why does everything have to be relevent?)
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about this card:
breast defense | ... and then it occurred to me that many men will be forgetting Valentines Day, and thus might be in dire need of an apology card tomorrow. Think about it. Think of the countless men who will awaken tomorrow to a frosty silence and spend the first half of the day in frozen bewilderment as to what the hell they forgot to do. And you thought YOU had problems.

picture of an earwig

February 13, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Valentines Ecard with text: Happy valentines day. This is a picture of an earwig. I am the best.
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about this card:
picture of an earwig | On Wednesdays I post an older card then I change the world. I believe we can all change the world, we just need love in our hearts. And seven billion dollars for research and development, and a basement full of kidnapped MIT kids to assemble the first batch of self-replicating robot slave spiders. Changing the world also requires pragmatism.

recursive rhinoceros

February 7, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Romance Ecard with text: Love is like a rhinoceros with a saddle in the sense that if a pithy ecard with an obscure simile is somehow applicable to your relationship then you should both sit down and, over a nice cup of tea, work out what it is you are both doing wrong.
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about this card:
recursive rhinoceros | "Love is like a rhinoceros wearing a saddle..." Sometimes I'm on fire, and I don't mean when I'm playing with kerosene and a lighter. My doctor says it's because I have a better grasp of reality than most. He stops by occasionally and counsels me and I'm helping him work through some issues with being dead and invisible to his loved ones. Share this card, it has good advice.

subliminal

February 6, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Valentines Ecard with text: Here is your Valentines Day card. NOW can you make me a sandwich?
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about this card:
subliminal | 'Gentlemen, bad news: Valentines Day is gonna happen any second now. Ladies, yay, you're about to receive a lot of Hallmark nonsense and a bunch of chocolate that you know in your heart is going to go straight to your hips. Puppies? For you, nothing changes, you're still the best things on the planet and I wish there were more of you.'

guilty

January 14, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Romance Ecard with text: I can tell that I love you by the way I like to make you feel guilty about bullshit.
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about this card:
guilty | 'Love makes us great! Example: if Lance Armstrong hadn't been so in love with fame and money he wouldn't have frauded his way to a 100+ million dollar fortune. See? That's not logic, that's romance! Like Lance I'm a wildly romantic person too, though it's tempered with a sensible streak of feminism so when on a date I let the chick buy my meal. I also haven't cried on Oprah yet but I'll get to that.'

inconvenient

August 20, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Romance Ecard with text: I promise to do the right thing by you, except when it becomes inconvenient. Look, every relationship has its little quirks.
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about this card:
inconvenient | I'm a thoughtful person and also very fair and I'm always thinking about people and I'm especially focused on 'how people think'. There is no way to get other people to buy you socks for instance if you don't think about how they think. It's like fixing clocks really. Uh. The burring in my head is making it hard to explain anything today. Also the new medication makes everything yellow.

valentines day with you

February 8, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Valentines Ecard with text: I want to spend every moment of Valentines Day alone with you, showing you just how truly amazing and awesome I am at video games.
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about this card:
valentines day with you | Greetings from London! On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the day working as a cryptozoologist. I spent the day lurking in the shadows of Paddington Station, hoping to spot an upright walking bear believed to be from Darkest Peru. I'm not very good at cryptozoology.

codependency

January 27, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
Romance Ecard with text: Don't worry about my co-dependency issues. They will only bring us closer together.
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about this card:
codependency | I've given it a lot of thought and decided that today's wrongcard is an awesome card to send to a stranger. Pick someone random, someone you barely know, and ask yourself: why SHOULDN'T that person have a really weird Friday? No need to thank me - this is what I do for a living.

probably really like you

September 28, 2010 · Kris St.Gabriel
Flirting Ecard with text: I probably really like you quite a lot. Or not - it depends of course on how you feel about me, which is a matter I cannot seem to accurately determine, which is why this card offers only the vaguest approximation of sentiment. This is a picture of an eel
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about this card:
probably really like you | The thing about eels is that they really are impossible to feel neutral about. You might think you like them a lot, say, when you're eating them in a Japanese restaurant. But face to face with them in an ocean, you will have one just thought: that thing is so ugly it is practically anathema.