free ecards that are
wrong for every occasion

Jesus birthday

December 20, 2017 · Kris St.Gabriel
Christmas Ecard with text: One thing that really sucked about Jesus life was having to get his birthday presents AND Christmas presents on the same day each year.
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about this card:
Jesus birthday | I'm kind of a Spiritual Expert. Answers to big theological questions, like, 'how much eggnog should ideally be consumed with a vindaloo curry', or 'which house is the easiest to steal a Christmas tree from' are easy for me. And I'm good at Christmas too; I love setting deer traps on the roof, I love putting out cookies and absinthe for Santa. BTW when Jesus comes back I'm sending him this card.

paternity

December 22, 2014 · Kris St.Gabriel
Christmas Ecard with text: The best way to have a Merry Christmas is to not focus on the fact that paternity tests didn't exist 2000 years ago. (Picture of Joseph with a cloud over his head next to Mary holding a baby.)
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about this card:
paternity | Oh my god, the department stores have put up Christmas decorations already. Every year it's earlier and earlier. Civilized people like you and me understand that Christmas shopping starts on Christmas Eve, and in a heightened state of panic mingled with resentment and lots of mental swearing. You know what's ironic? I bet Jesus' parents didn't even celebrate Christmas.

irish brawl

March 16, 2014 · Kris St.Gabriel
St. Patrick's Day Ecard with text: Let's celebrate St Patricks Day by dividing into two teams along arbitrary religious lines and then beating each other senseless.
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about this card:
irish brawl | I'm not saying that St. Patricks Day is a conspiracy perpetrated by Irish brewing countries in league with a cartel of manufacturers of green food coloring. No wait a minute, that IS what I'm trying to say. Sorry, there's something about this holiday that gets me all muddled. It might possibly be the alcohol speaking. Look, I'm very good at research.

jackal head

May 23, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Thinking of You Ecard with text: I am treating you with caution until I am certain that you are not going to turn into one of that Jackal-Headed gods of Ancient Egypt, because I'm sick of investing myself in people and winding up feeling foolish.
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about this card:
jackal head | I forgot to login to Facebook for two months. No ill-effects, although I don't think Bill Gate's mind control 5G towers are working on me as well as they used to. And I think the vaccine nanobots are on the blink. Still, I did do some renovations at Wrongcards.com, so that's some good news. Oh, and there's this card ...

sky wizard

March 25, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Easter Ecard with text: The wizard in the sky wants you to buy chocolate wrapped in aluminium in remembrance of a politically-motivated execution of a guy who just wanted everybody to get nice.
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about this card:
sky wizard | I like Easter. It's a time in which I feel a great kinship with everyone because now, more than any other time of year, people are glancing at each other, thinking, 'wait a minute, does this make any sense to you?' In other news I'm going to San Francisco tomorrow and, if you're there, you are welcome to buy me tea. Kidnappers need not apply.

dead fanatic

March 15, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
St. Patrick's Day Ecard with text: I am only going to put on green socks and drink alcoholic beverages because it would make a dead religious fanatic from the 5th Century very happy.
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about this card:
dead fanatic | Like everyone else here, I like to live according to the whims and moral sensibilities of the dead. Countless times I've paused before eating a bun and wondered what St. Gabriel would have to say about its scarcity of raisins. St. Gabriel is the patron saint of communicators (but still the Vatican communicates via smoke signals?!). St. Patrick? I think he hated snakes or something

catholic vegetarian

March 5, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Topical Ecard with text: Maybe Jesus wouldn't have avoided us so much in the last 2000 years if we hadn't kept ritualistically eating his corpse.
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about this card:
catholic vegetarian | My Grandmother taught me everything there is to know about world religions, ie. lizards from space have infiltrated all world governments, we're part of the resistance, and all other religious beliefs are crazy. She taught me to be tolerant, and believe in all religions, except when they contradict the stuff about lizards because that's just CIA disinformation to test our faith. Hi Nanna!

a christmas exegesis

December 20, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Christmas Ecard with text: So some Italians nailed a pacifist, anti-materialist Jewish guy to a few planks and now we celebrate his birthday with a shopping spree. And while this is not considered tactless, it is considered tactless to mention it.
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about this card:
a christmas exegesis | On Wednesdays I like to post an older card but occasionally I'll look at my calendar and notice that everyone has skipped a day by accident. On Thursdays I like to lurk behind doors and hiss at passers by. It's not very Christmassy but, like everybody else, irrational traditions have always played an important part in my life.

jesus forgives

December 7, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Jewish Ecard with text: I think Jesus will forgive you for being Jewish. Some of his best friends were Jewish.
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about this card:
jesus forgives | We've been talking a lot about Christmas here lately but let's not forget that Jews also have a Christmas celebration (called Kawanza) that happens sometime between November and February I think. I read that jewish priests ordained it as a sin for Jews to exchange presents, but I'm sure no one will get in trouble if they just send Jewish wrongcards instead.

bad little children

December 4, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Christmas Ecard with text: St Nicholas was accompanied by a demon who kidnapped and ate bad little children. Look, did you want an authentic Christmas or not?
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about this card:
bad little children | I've seen the piles of prose penned by prominent pundits in the remainders sections of book stores; there's a Culture War raging on the streets and even Our Christmas Traditions are under attack. Well we're not here to simply offer tasteful ecards - we're here to enlighten civilization. When your Grandchildren ask: where were you during the Culture Wars? you can reply: at Wrongcards...

co-branding

April 6, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Easter Ecard with text: ‘Eastre’ is the Old English spelling of the name of a Germanic pagan goddess. The Christians named their most important anniversary after her.In today’s marketing language this is called co-branding.
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about this card:
co-branding | Today is Good Friday. That's a public holiday in a lot of the world but not in the U.S., because the earliest colonists here were protestants and they got to set all the rules. When we're kicking off space exploration don't let protestants onto the space ships or there'll be no weekends on Mars. Today's card makes commercial use of religious imagery. In other words: Happy Easter!

hanukkah presents

December 18, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
Hanukkah Ecard with text: You would probably receive Christmas presents as well if you did what most of us do and pretend to be Christian.
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about this card:
hanukkah presents | When I was growing up the most I knew about Jewish people was that they didnt believe in Christmas and liked to wear very small hats. Still, every year I give at least one Jewish friend a Christmas present. Its not required, of course, but cultural sensitivity is all about making others speechless with gratitude.