Tagged as #santa.


what could go wrong

Christmas is nigh. Little orphans are peddling old shoes. Mums are smoking broken pencils and Dads are drinking turpentine and waving tire irons at invisible winged-snakes again. I know, I know - even I get maudlin and sentimental around this time of year. To be honest, I don't really understand today's card. But then, I don't really understand most of the things I say...
Ecard text: In the United States, twelve million adults believe the world is secretly controlled by lizard people. But go ahead, teach impressionable children that Sant Claus is real. What could possibly go wrong? (Picture of a lizard man in a Santa Hat.)

santa knew too much

Santa. He 'knows when you've been bad or good'. That's quite an accomplishment, Santa, thanks very much. Good to know someone is keeping a watchful eye on me. But then again maybe, if you pay too much attention to what a man is doing in his private life, you might get a bit distracted and accidentally tumble down a flight of stairs. , , I'm only looking out for you, Santa.
Ecard text: santa knew who was naughty and nice. he knew too much. he had to die. sorry.

merry hanukkah

People. I'm back. Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated - by others, and also by me - for tax purposes, but let's not get into that now. The important thing is that I'm back, which means it's time we kicked off this holiday season properly. I'd like to start off Christmas with a Hanukkah card. I know, right?! Look at us all - knowing what Hanukkah is and being all cosmopolitan...
Ecard text: merry hanukkah. may the Jewish santa bring you lots of amazing stuff! woot!

bearded man

Just because you don't understand what's going on doesn't mean you're confused. Look at me - I own a greeting card company (for admittedly 'troubled people') and I've never purchased or sent a greeting card in my life. Look at Christmas. Makes no sense to me but people invite me to their houses to give me pudding. I don't say anything about Christmas, of course. I just focus on the pudding.
Ecard text: Christmas. That time of year when we let an old, bearded man into our homes and stockings.

the santa claus myth

Long-standing argument with my 6-year-old; she thinks Santa is real and I disagree. She thinks I'm needlessly skeptical. Interestingly, at this point I haven't bought a single Christmas present this year. I mean, there's still time for me to win this argument.
Ecard text: Santa makes all us comfortable with being lied to by authority figures. He teaches us that gullibility is more likely to be rewarded than skepticism.

sadistic christmas

Ecard text: Despite being told to stay away from strangers,once a year you will be forced to sit on a stranger's lap. He wears a flimsy disguise that wouldn't fool anyone. Alleged loved-ones will laugh and take photographs of you.

arson and dissent

Ecard text: 'Hey kids - are you itching to get back at bourgeois status quo? Dont forget: arson isnt just a fun pass-time, it can also be a tool of political dissent. Remember: if they lied about Santa, take a wild guess about your upward mobility.'