Tagged as #sex toys.


trite

I was in love once. It was an earth-shattering experience, a state of instant infatuation. As soon as I tasted that vanilla bean ice-cream cone I fell head over heals. Then, in that moment of ecstasy, some really annoying girl came up and asked for a taste. This is where the story gets bad. , , Turns out, she liked vanilla bean ice-cream too. You know what she does? She sits down right next to me and starts to take turns eating my ice-cream (!) And smiling at me in a simpering sort of way (!) Well, long story short, I only got to eat half of that ice-cream cone. But it was love that I felt for that ice-cream, I am sure of it. Makes me sad to remember, actually., , Sigh. That's love for you, I guess. , ,
Ecard text: Here it is. Your Valentines Day card. Because there just isn't enough trite sentimentality in the world. (A picture of an inflatable pony with the caption - mildly disturbing picture of an inflatable pony.)

reciprocity

Some companies profiteer from war. Others profiteer from love. Which is worse? Here at Wrongcards™ we like to ask the hard questions. Like - is our company guilt-tripping you with stupid made-up holidays? Or are we culture assassins engaged in a war on savagery and kitsch? The answer to that question is really up to you. Or, rather, our lawyers, who very boringly overruled this slogan idea for our website: 'Wrongcards: The Halliburton of Ecards'.
Ecard text: Here is your Valentines Day card. Now it is your turn to do something for me. Vaseline.

inflatable pony

Romance is dead, they said - but I found out where they buried it. Now it's safely hidden under my bed. Don't worry, it only smells when I get it damp.
Ecard text: Ironically, Justin the Inflatable Pony doesn't give me a hard time about MY relationship with YOU...

not half so adventurous

May 9th is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. I believe that every washing machine manufactured after 1963 was designed to eat precisely one sock per month, just to keep everybody in the consumer world a little off-balance. So where do all the socks go? They're sacrificed, with noble intent, for our collective unease. It's a religion I'm starting. And, of course, I'll be taking donations...
Ecard text: I'm not half as sexually adventurous as Mr Sock.

practically

Today's card is a rehash Wednesday flirting card which means it's probably Not Safe For Work (whatever that means) though it CAN be useful if you'd like to flirt with someone today. It will also make you more popular - every time I send it to a woman she writes back and tells me how much she just wants to be my friend, which obviously is very sweet and quite complimentary.
Ecard text: We should get together and have sex sometime. Im getting to be quite good at it, by practicing on things etc.

experimenting

Sometimes I look upon the sprawling glory that is Wrongcards and see that it is good. And other times - today, for instance - I'm fairly sure that I'm going to hell.
Ecard text: I'm sorry I wrecked your electric toothbrush but I was overtaken by a moment of curiosity.

i don't judge you

I suspect that today's wrongcard may be a little Not Safe For Work though I'm not sure or good at judging that sort of thing. It's a WTF card, though, which means it is probably more impractical than usual. It's a pity that 'cards that are wrong for every occasion' is such an impractical idea. Next time I start a company I'll do a business plan.
Ecard text: Look, I don't judge you about YOUR taste in sex toys.

deserving rewards

Ecard text: I remembered it is our anniversary. I also did my chores so technically I deserve for you to unlock the plastic animals cabinet.

romantic sort of way

Ecard text: I enjoy touching you in a romantic sort of way. The secret chambers of my heart are haunted no longer by the delicious tactile squeak of inflatable farm animals. Nonetheless I think your effect on me has been positive overall.

about you and me

This is one of the very first flirting cards we published. I feel that it is emotionally honest to let a person know just how awesome the night is going to be well in advance. It also gives them the chance to opt out in case they cannot handle high levels of pleasure.
Ecard text: tonight, it's just about you and me, and morris, my mildly bi-curious teddybear.