Tagged as #sick.


presenteeism

Planet Earth has been a blast lately. On the positive side, everybody has jumped on the 'Socially Isolating Yourself' bandwagon; guys, I've actually been doing that my entire life! I even built an entire website to help people become more socially isolated. You can just share cards like this with people and you're done. You don't even need to pretend to sell Essential Oils any more.
Ecard text: Thank you for coming into work sick and giving us all Avian/Swine Flu while bravely showing us all what a trooper you are.

this never happened

Whenever a friend comes down with a sore throat or a cold I like to sit at their bedside and offer repeated assurances that it's WAY too early to suspect that this might be the illness that takes their life. And that it's completely absurd to start suspecting Foul Play, while I walk around tapping on the walls as if searching for a hollow sound. I guess I want everybody's life to be an adventure.
Ecard text: I've decided I like you again and you should be feeling better in a day or two.

very giving

The thing about sick people is they give off fumes which are made up of tiny animals. You can't see them with the naked eye but, if inhaled, they get inside your blood and try to kill you. Also - people with optimistic attitudes have better defenses. That's why you have to cheer up sick people - it makes them less toxic. I've always been good at science.
Ecard text: I am sorry to hear you are feeling unwell. Maybe you would feel better if you provided me with an orgasm.

mustering

Some days it's not all that apparent to me why I'm not on a beach somewhere. People should be handing me beverages and offers to relax me in fresh, imaginative ways. Some days I wonder if I took a wrong turn when I decided to base my career on the principle of being honest.
Ecard text: I'm not going in to work today because I'm either temporarily unable to muster the strength to pretend that anything I do has any significance. Or because I have a bit of a nasty cough.

getting attention

Ecard text: There are many more interesting ways of getting attention besides pretending to be sick

practicing acupuncture

Ecard text: I am sure you would feel better if you just let me practice acupuncture on you.

hypochondria

Ecard text: Sorry you're not feeling well. Hypochondria is a serious condition and we hope you get over it real soon.

you're not going to die

Ecard text: why are you sick? i am lonely. you're not going to die are you?

sorry you are unwell

Ecard text: I am sorry to hear you are unwell and hope it is not rabies.

feel good okay

Ecard text: I just want to reassure you that the only thing you should really be worrying about right now is the onset of neurosis.

so boring

Ecard text: youre so boring when youre sick so get well soon