Tagged as #spider.

christmas spider

People say they want a Christmas surprise, but here's the thing: DO THEY? DO THEY REALLY? I'm not angry but what is the point of you saying, 'I want it to be a surprise' if you're going to run around shrieking for an hour and then go stay at your Mother's until Thursday? And no it's not because I don't understand Christmas, I have an entire WEBSITE about it so technically I'm an expert so there.
Ecard text: I may or may not have gotten you a Christmas spider. The joy lies in the discovery.

my premonition

Ecard text: happy birthday and may my premonition that you will be devoured by a giant flesh eating spider not come true this year

genetically speaking

Ecard text: genetically speaking, i think youre taking hell of a risk having children.

the reminder

Ecard text: Our anniversary always reminds me just how lucky you are.  ...Woah! It's a spider! Kill it! Kill it!