Tagged as #theft.


always remember

Christmas is a time for families. I was raised by my Nanna but she's dead now, though she still appears occasionally in my kitchen at odd hours of the night to howl and gesture menacingly at me. No idea what that's about. At Christmas we would decorate her pet lizards and hook them up to car-batteries to make them dance for us. It was so much fun to be a kid! No idea why I grew up really.
Ecard text: 'Merry Christmas, and always remember: you can celebrate Christmas all year round if you know how to shoplift.'

stealing helicopters

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day working as a volunteer at a telemarketing company. I'm surreptitiously turning the place into a preemptive suicide hot-line. Everyone I call is pretty confused, of course, but I guess I just believe in changing institutions from within.
Ecard text: People would not suffer from depression if they knew how to steal helicopters.

prepare your children

Ecard text: prepare your children for their real economic future. teach them how to pick pockets.

free lunch

Ecard text: they say there is no such thing as a free lunch. it just goes to show how some people have no idea how to steal shit.