Tagged as #threat.


we agree

When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
Ecard text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.

christmas leopard

The problem with Christmas is that children are too confident about the whole thing. They're tottering around all cool and jaded, basically because you never taught them to fear Krampus the Christmas Demon. So thanks to your bad parenting kids don't believe in demons and now they're out of control! Well, don't worry - I can help you out. Sure, they don't believe in demons but you know something they do believe in? Leopards. You're welcome.
Ecard text: Merry Christmas. Good children receive gifts from Santa and bad children get eaten by the Christmas Leopard. Look - don't get angry at me, I don't make up the rules.

sometimes

I'm going to go and pass out in a moment and my consciousness will disappear for roughly six hours but when I awaken, fresh and thirsting for vengeance against the Vicissitudes of Fate, I will go down to the local Starbucks and speak this card's caption to the first stranger that I see. That is how I fix the world.
Ecard text: Sometimes when nobody else is around I talk threateningly at plants.

you and me, and baby

Ecard text: You and me, and baby makes two.

fear reprisals

Ecard text: A congratulations on your success. yes, you are making the rest of us look inadequate. And yes, you should fear reprisals.