The problem with Christmas is that children are too confident about the whole thing. They're tottering around all cool and jaded, basically because you never taught them to fear Krampus the Christmas Demon. So thanks to your bad parenting kids don't believe in demons and now they're out of control! Well, don't worry - I can help you out. Sure, they don't believe in demons but you know something they do believe in? Leopards. You're welcome.
You all know me as a staunch defender of family values. Although Genghis Khan is not closely connected with Thanksgiving he DID father thousands of children and set them up with a dynastic empire. You don't get more family-oriented than that. Did your parents do as much for you? Doubt it. Ask them why not this holiday season.