Tagged as #video games.


life can be so sad

Sometimes I play this videogame called The Sims and the little people keep having emotional breakdowns and wind up defecating in their neighbor's kitchens at 3am, or entering other Sim's bedrooms to watch them make-out while they daydream about nachos. God is playing 7 billion games of The Sims. Man, that sure is a lot of thoughts about nachos.
Ecard text: You think you have problems. My Sims are trapped inside a burning house and someone has bricked up the doors. Life can be so sad.

thanksgiving excuse

It's ALMOST AMERICAN THANKSGIVING. And this card? I created it in 2012 - SEVEN YEARS AGO! It wasn't supposed to be all that relevant. I mean this is Wrongcards not TOTALLY-PRESCIENT-CARDS. Also in 2012, I predicted that the Mayans were wrong and the world wouldn't end around Christmas. I did not, however, predict the rise of gumboots as a fashion accessory. But only because I'm sane.
Ecard text: I am sorry I cannot attend Thanksgiving with your family but I would rather kill Nazis on a Playstation than sit with them at a dinner table.

prisoner

I'm still in Granada, and just tried to order room service. I'm in a bit of a difficult mood so I tried to order swan. Black swan. They told me they didn't have black swan on the menu so I said I'd settle for an ordinary swan that had been dyed black. Even when I'm difficult I'm highly reasonable. But I'm not going to lie; this has nothing to do with today's card.
Ecard text: Cannot hang out. Am a prisoner of my mind and it needs me to kill dragons.

diablo

When they call my number at the Pearly Gates I expect my entry to be a shoe-in. This is not because I have led a conspicuously virtuous life but because of the disconcertingly high body count I have racked up killing demons in video-games. Also nazis, while I'm thinking about it. I've probably murdered half a bazillion symbolic demons and nazis - how is that not better than prayer?
Ecard text: I cannot come to work today due to an unfortunate flare-up of inner demons.

chores vs video games

As an emotionally intelligent individual I’m aware that everybody makes mistakes. And I should know - I made a mistake once, a sad story that involves me sharing an ice cream that resulted in me having to eat less than half. Fortunately my fallibility makes me good at making excuses...
Ecard text: The only thing that has prevented me from doing the chores you asked me to do is my discovery that video games are just more enjoyable.

valentines day with you

Greetings from London! On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the day working as a cryptozoologist. I spent the day lurking in the shadows of Paddington Station, hoping to spot an upright walking bear believed to be from Darkest Peru. I'm not very good at cryptozoology.
Ecard text: I want to spend every moment of Valentines Day alone with you, showing you just how truly amazing and awesome I am at video games.

for our relationship

Ecard text: Killing zombies is good for our relationship.

all of creation mocks me

Ecard text: My spore creatures discovered the theory of evolution, then stopped believing in me :(

if you don't get well

Ecard text: get well. but if you don't, i'd find it very consoling if you left me you your wii.