Tagged as #wank.


inflatable pony

Romance is dead, they said - but I found out where they buried it. Now it's safely hidden under my bed. Don't worry, it only smells when I get it damp.
Ecard text: Ironically, Justin the Inflatable Pony doesn't give me a hard time about MY relationship with YOU...

still want you

Romance today is all about half-measures. It's gotten so bad that boys don't even steal flowers from graves any more, they just buy 'em in a shop. That's like saying 'I'll do anything to win and retain your affections provided it's convenient and lawful'. Once, lovers red-lined their emotions well into the realm of corpse desecration. But its ok, Romance can be saved; Wrongcards is taking it back!
Ecard text: I want you to know that I would still want to be with you even if I COULD lick my own genitals.

upside of missing you

I'm not ashamed to admit it: I'm a man and sometimes I have emotions. When Bunheads got canceled I went into a bit of a dark place. I dragged most of my furniture into the backyard and burned it all in a cold rage, and grew a beard for a while. Downton Abbey reruns made me feel whole again. You know what? I'm dedicating today's card to you. And to Bunheads.
Ecard text: I miss you but on the upside I at least have a lot more time to get in touch with my OWN body.

practically

Today's card is a rehash Wednesday flirting card which means it's probably Not Safe For Work (whatever that means) though it CAN be useful if you'd like to flirt with someone today. It will also make you more popular - every time I send it to a woman she writes back and tells me how much she just wants to be my friend, which obviously is very sweet and quite complimentary.
Ecard text: We should get together and have sex sometime. Im getting to be quite good at it, by practicing on things etc.

celery

Anniversaries, right? People have them. Not me, so much, 'cause I believe that honesty is important in relationships. Wait, is that another thing Oprah was wrong about? Jesus Oprah! Anyway. It's beside the point. This card is pretty much NSFW. But I think most wrongcards are pretty much NSFW because, unlike most, I believe in good taste, decency and mental cleanliness. Happy Thursday...
Ecard text: Let's celebrate our anniversary by thinking of each other when we're fapping.

society was not ready

On Wednesdays I like to post an older card for the sake of nostalgia and spend the rest of the day warning people about minotaurs stealing our jobs. I'll keep doing that until Fox News finally runs a panel discussion on the subject. Then I'll just retire in sick horror.
Ecard text: 'Society was not yet ready for what Mister Bunny and I shared together that hot complicated summer in the long grass behind my Aunt's old farm house. But looking back through the window of memory I simply recall him as he no doubt was: a sensitive yet utterly spoiled stuffed toy with an irrepressible curiosity about his body and, to my delight, my own.'

new birthday tradition

Birthday Card: This card is an attempt to inspire a new, less selfish, Birthday tradition. It is, however, a slightly NSFW sentiment.
Ecard text: Happy Birthday. I give you permission to touch yourself while thinking about me. Paying me a modest sum for the privilege is optional but is considered traditional.

experimenting

Sometimes I look upon the sprawling glory that is Wrongcards and see that it is good. And other times - today, for instance - I'm fairly sure that I'm going to hell.
Ecard text: I'm sorry I wrecked your electric toothbrush but I was overtaken by a moment of curiosity.

i don't judge you

I suspect that today's wrongcard may be a little Not Safe For Work though I'm not sure or good at judging that sort of thing. It's a WTF card, though, which means it is probably more impractical than usual. It's a pity that 'cards that are wrong for every occasion' is such an impractical idea. Next time I start a company I'll do a business plan.
Ecard text: Look, I don't judge you about YOUR taste in sex toys.

photocopier advice

Ecard text: I am not admitting anything here - I am simply saying that you should probably use hand sanitizer after using the photocopier.

HR frowns upon stuff

Ecard text: Its Friday, and this week I learned the Human Resources frowns upon self-abuse in the copier room. With each passing week my office kung fu grows more powerful!

turkey fondling

Yes I know it makes your parents uncomfortable but you said no more politics and besides, isn't it time we as a society had a conversation about turkey fondlers? Look, I know you say it's not a good time but you always say that and - Thanksgiving? I mean the topic just suggests itself! If your extended family is too immature to discuss turkey fondling, then fine but I don't know why I try so hard.
Ecard text: please do not touch the thanksgiving turkey inappropriately this year

freaking myself out

Ecard text: I miss you and you should come home soon because i am really freaking myself out here.