free ecards that are
wrong for every occasion

zombie realism

July 24, 2013 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: A realist's plan for dealing with a zombie outbreak. step 1) run away screaming with hands over head in sheer panic and terror.
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about this card:
zombie realism | I've always had a very firm grasp on reality. The reason is that when I was twelve I witnessed my sister's abduction by extraterrestrials from our family home on Martha's Vineyard, which drove me to join the FBI where I investigated unsolved cases alongside a pretty, red-haired forensic pathologist. You don't have to believe me: the truth is out there.

loneliness

August 14, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: A zombie apocalypse can get pretty lonely. But no matter how alone, how bored, how curious, don't even think about it.
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about this card:
loneliness | Zombies - a fad that just won't die (bada-ba-ching!). Are zombies just a metaphor for consumer culture? Or do they symbolize the unshakable unease of post-modernity? Are we simply fated to wake up one day and find ourselves fighting for our lives? Or will it only 'seem' that way to the infected? Hell, don't ask me, I've got my own demons and today's card is a reminder of the fact...

sanity first

June 21, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: 'In the event of zombies, remember: sanity first. Try to take some time out of every day to enjoy yourself. (Picture of bloodstained bobcat forklift thing chasing zombie).'
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about this card:
sanity first | I worry about some things. I worry that there's going to be a zombie outbreak and that most of you aren't going to approach it with the spirit of joie de vivre. 'Cause I've seen the movies and everyone runs around screaming and dying while talking earnestly about their relationships. I want you to all know that I'll do my best to help you survive but no-one is allowed to be a buzz-kill, okay?

make sure

June 6, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: Remember, never mistake a horde or shoppers with a sudden outbreak of zombies. the authorities will not understand.
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about this card:
make sure | On Wednesdays I typically post an older card, and then get to work setting up Zombie Preparedness Drills. Drive over to the cemetery at 4am with a shovel and now you've got the day's props. Next it's a matter of arranging bodies where people don't expect to see them. Like kindergartens. Sure the parents throw fits but for me civic duty comes first.

once bitten

January 19, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: If you should ever be bitten by a zombie ... look don't worry about it. I'll sort it out.
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about this card:
once bitten | I was standing in the library taking photos when this librarian came up and told me to stop. "You can't take photos in the library," he said. Later, when I was looking at the photo I took of him, I decided to draw him as a zombie. It's a sad future when even librarians might be one day be zombies.

this won't pan out well

January 15, 2012 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: A zombie apocalypse is not the best time to stop by your ex's place. Trust me, things just aren't going to pan out between you two.
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about this card:
this won't pan out well | Whenever the television tells me that a zombie attack is in progress, I stay calm. I lock up the house and fill the bath tub with water, but I stay calm. You ever notice how everyone has a lot of relationship stuff to talk through when they're fighting zombies? This is why zombies are so unnerving.

implausibility

June 28, 2011 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: Fact: my conviction that the world will one day be overrun by mindless zombies is neither implausible nor absurd as the fact that Kim Kardashian has a television show.
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about this card:
implausibility | Are you worried about zombie attacks? I'm not, I'm worried about other things. I picked up a TV guide recently, just to see what reality shows were popular. But don't worry, I was feeling much better after a few days and I can even go outside again.

zombies are bitey

December 17, 2010 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: This man didn't shoot the zombie until he saw the whites of it's eyes. Don't make this mistake! Remember: when they are up close, zombies are bitey.
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about this card:
zombies are bitey | There isn't a man alive who hasn't given serious thought to how he'd secure himself and his family In The Event of Zombies. We already know the best escape-routes, choke-points and where to build the barricades. Hunter-gatherer milieu? Yes please - then we can be awesome again! Well anyway, I never said we were sane.

real men hunt zombies

June 25, 2009 · Kris St.Gabriel
Zombie Ecard with text: Real men will hunt down zombies while armed only with a falcon.
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about this card:
real men hunt zombies | On Wednesdays I like to post an older card and then spend the rest of the day writing strongly worded letters to the editors of major newspapers defending common sense and family values. If the government is keeping files on us all, then I'd prefer that they think that I am a complete lunatic.