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Ecards that are wrong
for every occasion.

The next upcoming holiday is: Halloween - Wednesday, October 31.

Latest Wrongcard
Ecard text: Sorry to hear you've been feeling depressed. My advice is to be happy. Like me.

happy like me

 I am talented at two things: training wasps to perform tricks, and volunteering. I'm so good at the latter that when I volunteered at the local Suicide Hotline, people stopped calling. My secret? I'd teach my callers how to train wasps. Worked like a charm, too. They would hang up, sobbing with gratitude. My point? Be inspirational! But also maintain an squadron or two of highly-trained wasps.
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Featured this week

easter lesson

 I've been meaning to become religious for a while now. I think I'd be really good at it. Everyone would be DAMN he's good at being religious, and I'd be like I KNOW RIGHT. I'd be better at being religious than Jesus, who, let's face it, kept a back-up career just in case (carpentry). My favorite quote by Jesus? "Live by the carpentry, die by the carpentry." See? Good at being religious.
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Ecard text: The lesson I have taken away from Easter is that if you are really, really, really nice to people, you will be betrayed by your friends, murdered and then, 2000 years later, everyone will remember you by eating a randomly chosen chocolate animal.
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More recent cards
Thinking Of You cards

Ecard text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.
When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
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Topical cards

Ecard text: nobody likes the political well informed. try and fit in by talking about paris hilton and nicole richie. you are not allowed to be remarkable.
People are always talking about their right to own a gun; they never talk about MY right to own a gun. If I owned a gun I'd be shooting it all the time. Double-parked cars. The occasional jet ski. This bus driver who closed the door as I was about to get on, who I chased for two miles on foot. The real reason I shouldn't have a gun is how much I want one. And also how much I want a bazooka.
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Valentines Day cards

Ecard text: 'Historians dont actually know who Saint Valentine was or how he became martyred. Geoffrey Chaucer and his mates in the 14th Century began to associate the day with romantic love about a thousand years after he died. And I'm not celebrating it because it's ridiculous'
Obviously I'm trying to raise some awareness here. Maybe launch a movement. Perhaps Valentines Day can topple over one day, like the statue of a dictator. The only thing stopping me from pointing out that this is a completely made-up holiday is the fact that they're ALL completely made up holidays! Also, nobody has ever sent me a Valentines Day thing. But whatevs. Not bitter; it's the institution.
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Valentines Day cards

Ecard text: I want to spend Valentines Day alone with you. And one of your more attractive friends.
Here we are in the second month of our voyage aboard the good ship '2018'. Your Captain is here at the prow, crossbow in hand, on the look-out for albatrosses, and thinking about Valentines Day. Did you know people first celebrated Valentines Day in Roman times? They used to pair off women with men by a lottery. I know! And I'm a bad person for not celebrating it. Sigh. I'm just enabling you all.
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