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Ecards that are wrong
for every occasion.

The next upcoming holiday is: Christmas - Tuesday, December 25.

Latest Wrongcard
Ecard text: My theory of how the presents get under the Christmas tree

christmas mantis

 Have you talked to your children about the Christmas Mantis yet? I have. There's a note here from the school, they want me to come in and talk about it. What's so strange about an eight-foot-long Praying Mantis, climbing through windows, distributing consumer goods? Because an 'overweight Norwegian with a flying sled' is more logical? I don't know. It's better than my Christmas Leopard theory.
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Featured this week

tree killer

 It's nice to have been missed, everyone; thanks. Where have I been? I've been working in secret on a cryptographic system based on ancient Sumerian cuneiform. In the process of this I did NOT accidentally unlock a dimensional gate between our world and that of Ereshkigal, goddess of the underworld. That was totally somebody else.
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Ecard text: Merry Christmas. You're responsible for killing a tree.
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More recent cards
Christmas cards

Ecard text: One of the most offensive and morally objectionable things about Christmas is the obligation to buy gifts for your in-laws.
I don't even know what this card means. I just like writing random words sometimes. Doesn't mean anything. I am figuratively seeing nothing here. Let's not ... no, don't make this about your parents. Nobody even mentioned your parents. Why do you have to bring them into this? I am just making an innocent wrongcard, and - what? Oh. My. God. You are being SO much like your mother right now!
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Workplace cards

Ecard text: Companies are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. They like to hire them, and force them to not think outside the box.
One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES, I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I just said, "Have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot?" Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm NOT confused doesn't make it any easier.
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Cheer Up cards

Ecard text: Sorry to hear you've been feeling depressed. My advice is to be happy. Like me.
I am talented at two things: training wasps to perform tricks, and volunteering. I'm so good at the latter that when I volunteered at the local Suicide Hotline, people stopped calling. My secret? I'd teach my callers how to train wasps. Worked like a charm, too. They would hang up, sobbing with gratitude. My point? Be inspirational! But also maintain an squadron or two of highly-trained wasps.
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Thinking Of You cards

Ecard text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.
When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.
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