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Home Ecards

If you feel that most of the freaking greeting cards in the world are nothing more than crass, mass-produced tokens of insincere sentiment, then you would be right, and so: welcome to Wrongcards. If you don’t think Hallmark cards are kind of creepy - you are probably in the wrong place and should probably leave this place and never come back. Now.

Our ecards are free to send, and they will always be free to send. Wrongcards is not intended for mass-appeal, nor is it intended for the mainstream. If you are still reading this, if you have gotten this far, you are probably not a mainstream person yourself, which is good because Wrongcards will probably work for you.

No one will be able to buy t-shirts here with clever phrases on them. No one will be able to attempt to fill up that inner emptiness by buying a hat with a Wrongcards logo. We run ads to pay for our hosting but if we wanted riches, we’d have ecards here with pictures of dogs playing poker, or kittens covered in spaghetti. But then we’d be crying ourselves to sleep each night.

So welcome to the sprawling glory that is Wrongcards; ecards that are wrong for every occasion.

Political Satire Ecard with text: Maybe I wouldn't have been infected with a woke mind virus if more people had worn masks.

woke mind virus

My recent diagnosis (turns out I have a mind virus) was a bit of a surprise. I'd just been saying something like, 'wouldn't it be nice if everybody felt equal', and wham! Apparently mind viruses are everwhere now. Good news is Elon is working on a brain implant, so I'm not too worried.

Political Satire

Birthday Ecard with text: I'm sorry I cannot celebrate your specific birthday this year because it turns out that All Birthdays Matter.

all birthdays

Life's been boring lately apart from a global pandemic, murder hornets, millions saying the virus is a hoax, plus riots, nitwits who think masks don't need to cover their noses, people posting on social media about Bill Gates using 5G for mind-control, and billionaires using social media for, um, actual mind-control, plus Nazis and possibly another plague but everything's fine I guess how are you.

Birthday

Valentines Ecard with text: I know you wanted me to give you my heart but can I give you someone elses instead? It's just that I'm using mine at the moment. Happy Valentines Day Either Way

hearts interchangeable

People often say to me, 'Kris, you're too romantic'. Not in real life, of course, but inside my mind. I'm pleased to say that much of what is said inside my mind is complimentary. I do feel some antipathy towards geese, however, but otherwise I feel I am on good-terms with the world; I both like and understand the world. But I will never understand why you people keep celebrating Valentines Day.

Valentines

Valentines Ecard with text: I don't understand the basic point of Valentines Day so let's instead admire this picture of a penguin holding an ice cream.

penguin with ice cream

Ever since 2003 ice cream has been a sad topic for me. You see, that year a girl asked to share my ice cream and unwittingly, I consented. I lost 46% of my bowl of ice cream that day. Tragedy - always lurking in the wings...

Valentines

Valentines Ecard with text: If you think about it, there's nothing sexier than an octopus.

sexy octopus

Well, I wrote a book and it turns out that everybody who knows me will only read it if I suggest THEY'RE in the book (narcissism is rampant these days. SAD!) So I just hint that they only turn up in this one very tasteful sex scene with an octopus, and off they go to buy my book! Works a charm. It's all nonsense - little kids could read my book - but the point is, wow I'm a marketing god.

Valentines

Christmas Ecard with text: My theory of how the presents get under the Christmas tree is no less plausible then yours.

christmas mantis

Have you talked to your children about the Christmas Mantis yet? I have. There's a note here from the school, they want me to come in and talk about it. What's so strange about an eight-foot-long Praying Mantis, climbing through windows, distributing consumer goods? Because an 'overweight Norwegian with a flying sled' is more logical? I don't know. It's better than my Christmas Leopard theory.

Christmas

Christmas Ecard with text: One of the most offensive and morally objectionable things about Christmas is the obligation to buy gifts for your in-laws.

gifts for in-laws

I don't even know what this card means. I just like writing random words sometimes. Doesn't mean anything. I am figuratively seeing nothing here. Let's not ... no, don't make this about your parents. Nobody even mentioned your parents. Why do you have to bring them into this? I am just making an innocent wrongcard, and - what? Oh. My. God. You are being SO much like your mother right now!

Christmas

Workplace Ecard with text: Companies are always looking for someone who can think outside the box. They like to hire them, and force them to not think outside the box.

thinking outside the box

'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'

Workplace

CheerUp Ecard with text: Sorry to hear you've been feeling depressed. My advice is to be happy. Like me.

happy like me

I am talented at two things: training wasps to perform tricks, and volunteering. I'm so good at the latter that when I volunteered at the local Suicide Hotline, people stopped calling. My secret? I'd teach my callers how to train wasps. Worked like a charm, too. They would hang up, sobbing with gratitude. My point? Be inspirational! But also maintain an squadron or two of highly-trained wasps.

CheerUp

Thinking of You Ecard with text: I am far too mature to feel like I have to agree with my friends about everything. It's when they disagree with me, however, that we have a problem.

we agree

When it comes to quarrels with friends, I believe in 'agreeing to disagree', particularly now I've been made to understand that Massachusetts has some really strict rules about attaching car batteries to people's ears. You know, I really need a legal team, and not some thin-skinned intern who drops out of law school and flees the state after the tiniest bit of harmless workplace electrocution.

Thinking of You

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