Just Because Cards are simply an assortment of ecards that don’t fit within the traditional bounds of The Greeting Card, which is generally considered a useful social gesture to express polite regard. The problem with Just Because Cards is that you will rarely have incentive to send them to anyone and, upon receipt, the recipient is likely to assume you are merely bored at work or otherwise have too much time on your hands. Further, and perhaps most distressingly, our ‘Just Because’ Cards are a container category for several species of completely cool but impractical ecards.
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Just Because Ecards
thinking outside the box
'One time in a job interview someone asked me if I could think outside the box. Now, if I'd said YES I'd be thinking INSIDE the box, which is tantamount to saying NO. So I said, have you ever woken up to find a Chinese man licking your foot? Then they got uncomfortable and the interview ended. My point is, the world is a confused place. And the fact I'm not confused doesn't make it any easier.'
hatchets
I know that Christmas has traditionally been about department stores making money but I've always hoped it might one day become a holiday for children. For some reason people assume I'm cynical but I've always liked children: they're funny, and they remind me of how each of us used to be - truthful, spontaneous, amoral and interesting. No child has ever once bored me with talk of mortgages or promotions. So our first Christmas wrongcard is for the children.
rocky phase
Lately a lot of people have been assuming I was dead. It's strange how a man can't paint himself a greenish hue and lay about near busy intersections without everyone making weird assumptions. Now you might think of vampires as a sort of sublimated necrophiliac rape fantasy but that doesn't make them any less creepy. Today's card contains an octopus. The mention of vampires was just randomness.
optimism
Don't listen to what some people say, everyone is an optimist. Everyone is being completely optimistic - they might as well embrace the reality. Whenever I turn on the television I stare at it for eight minutes, turn it off and then have to go lie down because civilisation is clearly coming to a sticky end. But then I'm up 15 minutes later because Fox News must not win. See? Optimism. In other news, I should be a motivational speaker.
gorillas in the midst
'The fact that people write to thank me for making a truly useful ecard site has often given me pause for thought: what could I be doing wrong? Seems like too many of you are getting yourselves into some pretty weird situations. Today's card features a gorilla wearing a suit; if it seems relevant to your life then I have little choice but to throw my hands up in despair.'
molotov cocktails
Never play with fire, they say, but that's no way to win at monopoly. I've started three fires during games of monopoly and went on to win each game. I think of fire as the God of Winning.
fear of failure
'I no longer work in an office environment: people couldn't handle my realness. It's a pity because I really enjoyed it, especially 'Mysterious Fire Mondays.' I miss the middle-management types, mostly. I miss seeing the good-natured fear in their eyes whenever I visited their houses late at night to remind them that 'everybody sleeps sometime'.
staplers
It is hard to remember that, although Wrongcards is now a mega-corporation with global brand-awareness and a market saturation rivaling that of Coca-Cola, we were once a small outfit run by one man and a telepathic dog. In 2008, before we sold out to corporate interests, my dog told me to make this card. Or to feed her. Look it's not important.
elephants
Anniversaries are great. If you can keep someone from working out who you truly are for an entire year then you deserve a bit of a romantic celebration. Sadly it is becoming increasingly customary these days to spend your anniversary with your partner and not with prostitutes, but traditional values will come back into vogue, don't worry. Another war will see to that.
giraffes
Sometimes nice, well-meaning people will try and convince me that that lizards are not secretly running this entire planet. And privately I admit that this belief that primates rule the world is spooky and delusional but I don't SAY so, of course. I just smile and agree with them. The problem with people is that they lack a healthy skepticism. I blame the drugs that the lizards put in the water.
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