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Fourth of July

Fourth of July. To celebrate and commemorate Will Smith saving our planet from an alien invasion.

What’s your favorite thing about the Fourth of July? Mine is when Will Smith punches that alien squarely in the chops and says: ‘Welcome to Earth!’ Without that single act of heroism, I’m not sure the Fourth of July holiday would even exist.

Now, I don’t know a lot about American history, but it’s obvious that Americans take these regularly-timed alien invasions very seriously. When President Bill Pullman makes that stirring speech about how important it is to defend his country from aliens, it made me wish I was an American too. First I was a little offended; then I realized that the only country that takes the threat of invasion by aliens seriously is the United States. And frankly, I’ve been a fan of the country ever since. Happy Independence Day, everyone.

Fourth of July Ecard with text: Happy July Fourth, commemorating George Washington's surrender of Fort Necessity to the French on this day in 1754.
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about this card: surrender | I don't know a lot about Independence Day but I saw the movie and liked it. The only problem was that it gives the impression that July 4 started after aliens tried to take over the US back in the mid-nineties but, when you do the research, the Americans fought the aliens AND the French way back in 1750. Which makes you wonder why the aliens went away and waited for us to develop fighter jets before attacking again. Idiots.
Fourth of July Ecard with text: Americans will spend $600 million dollars on fireworks for the 4th of July. 99% of those fireworks will be imported from China. Happy Independence Day.
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about this card: fireworks | One of my favorite things about Independence Day is when the pilot, who nobody believed had been abducted by aliens, turned out to have told the truth about it all. Nothing corroborates an alien abduction story quite like an alien invasion fleet turning up afterwards. Total vindication right there. Ever since I moved to the US and started stockpiling Chinese fireworks, I worry less and less about aliens. In fact: bring it on, aliens!

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